The Philadelphia Eagles have a new partnership. The Boardroom announced yesterday that the birds plan to partner with Tide to motivate fans to use cold water and make a positive impact on the planet. 

With the announcement, came news that Tide will introduce the first-ever talking washing machine, customized with NFL player voices that remind users to watch with cold water. 

Look, I have no idea what the benefits of washing with cold water vs hot water. I typically keep that dial on warm to stay neutral with the tree huggers and climate deniers. I guess you could say I’m an independent clothes washer. However, with this news, maybe I’ll google it later and find out the real answer about the benefits of washing with cold only. Probably not though because I don’t really give a shit. 

As for voices from the NFL reminding you to use cold water, that has to be a big no from me. I don’t need anyone telling me how to wash my clothes. Yes, I know Jalen Hurts has a silky smooth voice and great little sayings that might be audibly pleasing while you wash your clothes but I’ll still sit this one out. 

The more I look at that tweet and the picture of the washing machine, this seems more like an April Fools joke than actually a real thing but apparently it’s true?

It would be crazy if the next move was to make Eagles Tide Pods. Gen Z loves to eat those things and poison themselves. The Eagles could get themselves in a bad situation here and it’s definitely something to keep an eye on. 

Of course, we have Victor Williams here at TLL and we all know how he likes to drink bleach after a bad Eagles performance. He’s already on top of the Tide partnership as you can see from the above tweets. 

Still, I’m out on talking washing machines. The more we integrate human life with machines, the worse things will be in the future. As we all know, the elites want the next step of human evolution to be human/robot hybrids. We must resist this at all costs.

Go Birds.