Phillies owner John Middleton surprised a lot of people when he finally went over the luxury tax to sign Nick Castellanos. For years the narrative had been that he would only approach, but never exceed the Luxury Tax. In a recent interview with Jim Salisbury, he addressed that narrative, as well as what impact NL MVP Bryce Harper has on his decision-making.

John Middleton speaks

Regarding Bryce Harper, John Middleton (who is the billionaire scion of a tobacco empire and quite possibly a reptilian alien wearing an ill-fitting human suit) insists he has no say in personnel decisions. He further states: “I mean, Bryce wants to win. He may want to win as much as I do but he may not. But I’ll concede that he probably wants to win as much as I do because he’s just built that way and so am I.”

Yes. Bryce Harper and John Middleton. Two peas in a pod. Built the exact same way. Two definitely human men. No need to question whether one of them hails from the Alpha Draconis star system, and is sowing the seeds of humanity’s enslavement.

In addition to maintaining that there was no difference between him and Bryce Harper, he also scoffed at the idea that he didn’t want to exceed the luxury tax threshold. Scoffed!

“You hear that, but the question then is: What factual evidence would you provide to support that statement because there is none?” he said. “There’s no memo in the file that says, ‘You may not do this.’ I’ve heard people say, ‘Well, there’s a directive.’ Really? Who did I? … Did I write it down? Was it a verbal directive? Who was I talking to? When did I say it?”

Yes, where in the world did we get that idea? It’s almost like there were years and years of the Phillies payroll approaching the luxury tax but never going over it. Weird how people would look at years and years of evidence and make a conclusion based on that. 

John Middleton’s other business had an issue with wanting to deny years of observable data as well, so I’ll give him a pass on this one. It’s probably genetic.

So what was the special reason John Middleton finally felt the urge to spend “Stupid Money”? Why this year? Is it the rapid rate of inflation causing the real-time value of money to be so volatile that it doesn’t matter if you burn through it? Maybe. 

John Middelton shares his thoughts on Phillies fans

It certainly wasn’t the fans that moved the needle. He practically seethes with cold-blooded fury at the thought of fans complaining. “It doesn’t matter if you’re making automobiles or toothpaste, you need to know what your customers are thinking and you get customer feedback. But customers don’t run the business. Their input is critical, but they don’t make the decisions.”

I feel it’s important to note here, once again, that John Middleton’s big business endeavor before buying the Phillies was tobacco. An addictive substance that slowly kills people. Customer service was never the strong suit of that industry.

He goes on for a while about the fans. He seems to believe that the vast majority of Phillies fans have been pleased with the developments of the past decade. “When I walk around the city, I will tell you that far more people come up to me and say, ‘I like what you’re doing, be patient, stay the course, build the organization,’ than, ‘Hey, John, why don’t you go sign so-and-so?” It’s literally 5 to 1, 6 to 1, 10 to 1.” My only assumption is the city John Middleton is talking about walking around in is New York and all the people telling him what a great job he’s doing are Mets fans.

John Middleton makes it clear in this interview that whatever your opinions are, puny humans, they are pointless and will not be listened to. 

Mandatory Credit: Philadelphia Phillies