Narco Monkey gunned down in mercenary shootout honored with a cartel-written drug ballad that will make you cry your eyes out
Over the weekend, tragedy struck down in Estado de Mexico, Mexico. No that’s not a typo, it’s literally how they spell the city name. Weird. Anyways, there was a huge shootout between cartel mercenaries and 11 people were killed including what many (me) on the internet are considering the next great drug dealing martyr, a baby monkey.
I know you what you’re thinking, these cartel guys probably had a ton of exotic pets and the monkey was just another one. Part of that is true. There was literally a bengal tiger roaming the streets last week in the cartel town of Tecuala, Mexico.
The other part however, isn’t that clear. This monkey was actually a soldier in the cartel, fully equipped with a bullet proof vest, ready to defend the cartel and his owner.
What makes this story even more badass and incredibly sad at the same time, is the fact that after the footage from the crime scene was released, a random cartel member composed a narcocorrido to honor the monkey.
For those not hip to the cartel culture: A Narcocorrido are drug ballads written and composted about drug traffickers and smugglers. In the song, the lyrics state that the monkey was “not mean, but he was not timid either.”
Narco Monkey Narcocorrido
“Changuito [little monkey], it was not your turn to die. Someone stole your story because you came here to win and to shine in many things,”
I mean come on, that’s absolutely heart breaking. I have tears in my eyes looking at this little soldier laying there dead as a door nail covered in blood with his little vest on, gunned down in a cartel war.
The song ends saying “He is on his way to heaven, but he left a legacy.”
Look, the cartel life isn’t for everyone. Jason Bateman made it look easy in Ozark but there’s no possible way that’s true. Once you enter the drug world, it’s tough to get out of and this monkey learned the hard way.
Side Note: For the love of God and our fallen cartel soldiers, please do not compare Harambe to the Narco Monkey. Harambe was a dork that got caught and was thrown into a zoo. That’s not something that would ever work for the Narco Monkey, who was out there giving his life for his brothers. The Narco Monkey makes Harambe look like a character from Sesame Street.
Too many innocent lives are lost at the hands of drug wars and I hate feeling helpless just looking at stories on the internet, so I’m ready to get involved.
No, I’m not going to sell drugs. The only time I ever did that was when I used to make weed brownies in my friend’s kitchen and sell them at Garnet Valley football games when I was in high school. That ended relatively quickly after my one friend ate three and drove his car into a light pole in the parking lot while my other friend was in the trunk thinking his legs were on fire.
Instead, the best way to honor this fallen soldier is to head over to your local Buffalo Wild Wings and buy some Mexican brick weed off one of the guys in the kitchen. From there, head home, dim the lights, and throw on the narcocorrido above and just take a moment to realize that there’s war out there in the streets and no one is safe. We have tigers roaming random Mexican streets and Narco-Monkeys dying in mass mercenary shootouts.
At the very least, your purchase of Mexican brick weed will help fund the cartel even more, and that monkey might still be alive today. At the very least, get him some pants. Dying while just wearing a diaper and a bullet proof vest is embarrassing.
Stay safe out there.