Sixers fan wants Nathan Fielder to “Fix” Ben Simmons in a simulation—and I absolutely want to delete the Internet

There’s something deeply broken inside all of us who still root for the Philadelphia 76ers and glorify the days of The Process, and this latest fan proposal on Ben Simmons proves it.

A post circulating on Reddit suggests that Nathan Fielder, the awkward mastermind behind HBO’s The Rehearsal — should be enlisted to rehabilitate Ben Simmons for one last Sixers run. If you’re wondering what rock bottom looks like as a fanbase, this is it. We’ve officially gone from “Trust the Process” to dumb shit like this.

Ben Simmons x The Rehearsal

pic.twitter.com/W4p3hWEDNl

— sixers smasey (@SMASEY) May 28, 2025

I’m not new to pain. I’ve defended Simmons more times than I care to admit.

I’ve stood in digital foxholes lobbing tweets about his defensive impact and transition play while the rest of the internet threw grenades.

Unfortunately, a Nathan Fielder fantasy crossover is where I draw the line.

The Rehearsal is fine. It’s one of the most unhinged, brilliant shows ever made. Fielder recreated a life-sized bar just to help someone rehearse a single conversation. He invented a fake reality singing competition for airline pilots. His brain works like a simulation inside a simulation, and I respect the hell out of it.

Still, it goes without saying that no amount of Fielder weirdness can undo the trauma of watching Ben Simmons pass up a wide-open dunk in Game 7 against the Hawks only to completely bail on the organization and change everything for the worse.

You don’t rehearse that out of a man. You exorcise it.

Trust me, I get why this idea even exists. It’s been a rough few weeks for Sixers fans. The Celtics are back in the Conference Finals, Tyrese Haliburton — who was on the table for Simmons — is dropping triple-doubles, and Sam Presti basically ran the Process blueprint without getting publicly executed for it.

The Knicks are out here climbing scaffolding for a second-round win like they won the Cold War. We’re stuck watching highlights of the 2001 Finals on loop.

So yeah, people are spiraling. One minute you’re arguing about Ace Bailey’s jump shot on a message board, the next you’re sketching blueprints for a scale replica of the Wells Fargo Center with actors playing Joel Embiid and Nick Nurse to recreate Ben’s worst moments in full VR immersion.

And maybe, just maybe, if Simmons lives through that trauma enough times, he’ll suddenly remember how to play basketball again.

Here’s the thing: if anyone could pull it off, it would be Nathan Fielder. The man once convinced an electronics store to honor a rebate that required customers to crawl through a hole guarded by a live alligator. Rebuilding a mentally fried point forward? That’s light work in comparison.

We have to move on from The Process and Ben Simmons

Yes, I know there’s a good chance that I’ll be writing about another trade package that brings Ben Simmons, The Chosen One, The Fresh Prince, back to Philadelphia within a week’s time. Right now however, I’m not in the mood and the Sixers have worn my patience down to dust.

The Sixers need a new era, not another rerun of the Process. Simmons had his chance. He chose to ghost the city, refuse to shoot, and vanish like a rogue NPC. You can’t rebuild him in a warehouse with paid actors and an airhorn.

This is where fandom becomes delusion. The Process is dead. It didn’t end with a parade — it ended with a broken man passing out of a layup and a fanbase begging a comedy auteur to run it back one more time.

Let it go. Close the simulation. Delete the blueprint. Smash the MacBook harness.

It’s over.

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