The Smith Doctrine: How the United States of America can take full control of the Western Hemisphere
Hello, America. Let’s recap what happened over the weekend, because if you described this to someone in 2019 they’d assume you were pitching a Netflix series, not summarizing world news.
Former Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro and his wife were captured during a U.S. military operation in Caracas, flown to New York, and are now sitting in federal custody waiting to appear in court.
According to reports, the operation involved Delta Force, followed months of military buildup in the Caribbean, and capped off a campaign targeting drug trafficking routes.
Maduro is on U.S. soil.
President Donald Trump stepped to the podium and said the quiet part loud. The U.S. would “run” Venezuela temporarily. Oil would flow. America was “in charge.”
Secretary of State Marco Rubio later tried to put the toothpaste back in the tube, clarifying that the U.S. does not plan to directly govern Venezuela, just enforce an oil quarantine and apply pressure.
Now here’s where my American blood kicked in. We are imperialists by nature and I can’t help but think that we just need to swiftly take over Mexico and the northern part of South America, along with Cuba, Haiti, the Dominican Republic, and all the other vacation islands along the route.
I know what you’re thinking so let me stop you. Obviously, we want cocaine from Columbia but we want it to be American cocaine… from the state of Colombia. Their neighbors in Venezuela are now American property. We got Maduro in his Nike Tech in the middle of the night and snatched his wife too.
Fashion Icon: The Maduro Fit has Sold Out.
That’s how you take over a country.
We also blew up that commie Hugo Chavez body in the process. Now Colombia wants to talk shit? No problem. Never thought you’d ask, brother. We’ll take yours too.
Colombian President Gustavo Petro did not appreciate the tone and responded by saying he would be ready to “take up arms” if the U.S. attacked Colombia.
Trump then casually suggested Colombia might be next in his war on drug trafficking, which is usually not how you de-escalate international tensions.
Colombian President Gustavo Petro challenges Donald Trump to come get him next
From there, the plan basically writes itself.
Before we get into it, we should discuss a few key documents in American history, all of which, justify my plan outlined below.
The United States of America has every right to do whatever the fuck they want, thanks to the Monroe Doctrine.
For the dummies out there that don’t know anything about it, the Monroe Doctrine basically drew a line between the Western Hemisphere and Europe.
In 1823 by President James Monroe (written largely by John Quincy Adams) issued the doctrine to Europe forbidding them to colonize or interfere in the Americas.
The U.S. warned European powers that any new attempts to take territory or control politics in North or South America would be viewed as a hostile act.
In return, the United States agreed to not mess with any of Europe’s existing colonies or European wars in the region.
Basically, the doctrine didn’t demand Europe abandon colonies it already had. It was aimed at new colonization and interference.
Here’s the kicker, thanks to President Theodore Roosevelt, who added a little thing called the Roosevelt Corollary to the Monroe Doctrine in 1904.
Roosevelt basically said if a country in Latin America or the Caribbean falls into serious instability (especially debt defaults), the United States has the right to step in, financially or militarily, to restore order.
Sounds familiar, right? That’s what Maduro and Venezuela learned over the weekend and it’s what Colombia is about to understand in the very near future.
The United States has already flexed the use of the Roosevelt Corollary in the past. It helped justify a bunch of early 1900s U.S. interventions in places like the Dominican Republic, Cuba, Nicaragua, and Haiti, often tied to protecting U.S. interests and controlling customs revenues to pay debts.
It’s a blank check for U.S. imperialism in Latin America.
Who doesn’t love that?
In the spirit of fair and balanced journalism, I will say that the Good Neighbor Policy in the 1930s definitely pulled back some of the freedom the U.S. had to operate in South America.
There was more emphasis on economic cooperation, cultural diplomacy, and “soft power” which is exactly why I’m proposing a bridge and ferry system to connect all current countries together.
The Smith Doctrine is a soft approach, directly in line with the Good Neighbor Policy.
It’s inevitable at this point. Just wait until Mexico gets (more) out of line. That’s a country surrounded by America already. On one side you have the Gulf of California, on the other the Gulf of America.
There’s literally no reason Mexico should exist, along with the other “countries” connecting all the way down to Panama.
If Trump wants to get serious, let’s just take it all, straight to the equator.
Yes, that includes the islands. Haiti. Cuba. Puerto Rico. Dominican Republic. All the vacation islands Americans already keep afloat.
Is it how foreign policy actually works? I’m not too sure but I’m confident that my plan would work perfectly, if Elon Musk and President Trump choose to follow it.
The Smith Doctrine: We Need Bridges and Ferry Routes connecting everything
Trust me, I understand the hesitation.
No one wants to treat geopolitics like the Age of Civilization video game. Well, almost no one. I definitely want to do exactly that. You think I give a shit about an “extremely serious” situation unfolding?
It literally can’t be any worse than what we are all dealing with in America already. Might as fell go full send and really lean into it, right?
It’s time America asserts leverage through military force, legal charges, and economic pressure, with great results that will echo across Latin America for years.
Power should be used as a tool to color the map red, white, and blue. Let’s build bridges and ferry routes throughout the gulfs and Caribbean Sea.
Power is control. Influence is ownership. History has shown us that treating entire regions like chess pieces is the best possible way to restore order for everyone involved.
Understand this much. When world leaders start talking loosely about “running” countries and others respond with threats of armed resistance, it green lights what America was founded on. It’s time to flex our muscles and take what’s rightfully ours.
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think of all the jobs we would create to get these bridges built and maintained and keep these ferries on schedule. incredible!