Eagles triggered a Commanders blog into writing a desperate “we’re catching up” article and it’s just rage bait

The Eagles are the reigning NFC East champions, two years removed from a Super Bowl, and somewhere in Washington a blog just published a few thousand words arguing the Commanders are “catching up.”

Yes, I see what’s happening here. Someone wrote a piece engineered to make Eagles fans click, and I’m now writing a piece about that piece, which technically makes me a paying customer. We’ll deal with my hypocrisy later.

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We’re not linking it. That’s the one rule today. The link is the entire point of the thing, the clicks, the quote tweets, the 48 hours of birds fans in his mentions doing free marketing for a Washington blog. Not happening. You’ll have to take my word for what’s in it.

The Commanders are “catching up” to the Eagles, by his own math

The guy builds the whole case, goes position by position, and then hands Philly the running backs, the offensive line, the interior defensive line, and the corners. Both trenches. The stuff that actually wins games in January.

Then he titles it “catching up.”

That’s a man talking himself out of his own headline in real time. He admits the Eagles win the line of scrimmage on both sides, admits they’re the reigning division champs, admits the banner is two years old, and still needs you to believe the gap is closing because Washington had a nice March.

The roster turns over every year. AJ Brown is a Patriot now. That part’s real. But “we improved in free agency” and “we are catching the team that just won the division” are two very different sentences, and he’s hoping you don’t notice he only proved the first one.

Why the Eagles fans don’t need to respond to this

My favorite touch was the bonus round, where he ranked the fanbases and decided Eagles fans are the worst in sports while Commanders fans are “intelligent, passionate, respectful and humble.”

Respectful and humble. The Washington fanbase. Typed with a straight face while begging a rival’s fans to read the blog.

Humble.

These guys thought packing a dozen Commanders fans into the Hard Rock Cafe was taking over the city. The city that birthed America. The city every other city in the United States is modeled after. The city that invented Mother’s Day! You thought walking into a Hard Rock with Commanders gear on affected anyone? What are you some kind of retard or something?

This is the warning, and it’s the whole reason I wrote anything. Do not engage. Do not quote tweet it. Do not screenshot it into the group chat with forty angry-face emojis. Every one of those is a coin in the machine. The article doesn’t exist to be right. It exists to be clicked, and the second an Eagles fan gets mad on main, it worked exactly as designed.

So let him have his offseason. Let him rank the fanbases. Let him do the position-by-position dance that ends with Philly winning the trenches anyway.

The Eagles won the division. The Eagles won the Super Bowl. The Eagles still own both lines. And the only people writing thousand-word essays about who’s “catching up” are the ones who aren’t.