Lane Johnson retired and now apparently I’m supposed to forget about this season and just hope we rebuild for the future

Lane Johnson retired today. No beating around the bush here, it sucks. Total buzzkill. But, I’m on my way to London as I’m writing this and I’ve had 4 drinks (more on the way) so I’m going to take this time to share my candid thoughts on the current state of Eagles discourse on social media.

It’s pathetic. I’ve never seen so many crybabies in my life. “It’s over, time to rebuild.” Do you hear yourself? I’m on a flight with hundreds of people wearing Eagles gear, flying to an occupied country thousands of miles away, all just to watch our favorite football team play a game. And I’m supposed to sit here and start thinking about next year.

What happened? I see supposedly reputable “reporters” tweeting about fire sale scenarios at the deadline. Fans making up stories about Howie Roseman secretly sabotaging the team and, get this, talking down to Lane Johnson, along with the other leaders on the team. According to @imabitch69 on Elon Musk’s social media platform, Howie is planning his out. Per @imacocksucker44, the team is secretly back dooring Jalen Hurts. Wow, i can’t believe i missed all of this!

Here’s my advice. Log off. Don’t eat the poison. Twitter isn’t real. Hell, i don’t even know if life is real. Might all be a simulation, brother. Who am i to say. I’m just going with the flow. I don’t know shit.

But what i do know is this – I’ve heard the doomsday Eagles fans weeping for years. It was over in 2018. There was no way we were bouncing back after 2020. Team was cooked after 2023. Rebuild should have started after 2025. It’s been over just as many times as it’s never been better.

It’s week 5. Injuries are piling up, too many to count. Yeah man, it sucks that Lane Johnson is gone. It also doesn’t mean the season is over. Grow the fuck. You sound like a thumb sucking toddler.

These doom and gloom people are really the worst breed of human. You don’t deserve the right to speech. Nothing you say is insightful. I’m not saying everyone has to be hunky dory all the time, but god damn, why does it immediately resort to we should nuke this entire thing and start over?

I’m pissed with Sirianni too. I’m not happy about how the season has gone so far. I’m also not a retard who thinks an NFL season is determined before Halloween. You all need to find God.

Take a page out of Lane Johnson’s book and go be with your family. Since you’re so sad and panicked. Go hug your mom, maybe she’ll comfort you. Or maybe she’ll just slap some sense into you and tell you to stop being a pussy. I’m hoping for the latter.

It’s never over in Philly. Sack up or go change your diaper. We got a game to win on Sunday. Go Birds.