It’s Time to Start Questioning the Sixers Organization
Philadelphia 76ers President Chris Heck just dropped an absolute bomb on us this morning. If you are standing up right now, I strongly advise you to find a seat, sit down, and take a deep breath.
— Chris Heck (@chrisheck76) March 3, 2020
Buddy, I don’t even know where to start. So, let’s just take it from the top.
In the top left corner of the screen you will notice two things:
- This guy has an incredible battery life
- He has absolutely no time or regard for Wifi.
- It’s a screenshot, of a picture, on his own phone.
These points counteract each other so much. On one hand, seems very level headed to have a battery life of that caliber at 10:19am. On the other, he’s got two measly bars of an LTE connection. We get it, dude, you have unlimited data. Lastly, just upload the actual picture directly to twitter!
Next, we have the elephant in the room. “image006.png”. This leads me to believe this may have been sent to him via email. But we shan’t worry about that detail at this juncture quite yet. Right now, I need to ask an important question: Do we need to beg you for image001.png-image005.png?
What could they possibly be? I’d like to imagine they are other Sixers branded food items. Some Horford Hot Dogs or maybe some milk SHAKES.
Enough kidding around. I know you are screaming at me, possibly even imploring me to tell you where I think this email or photo came from. Well, there is only one true suspect…
I know. This may seem very hard to believe at first, but when you look at the evidence everything will begin falling in place quite smoothly.
Earlier last week, our very own Drew Smith concocted an accusation that shook Sixers twitter to its very foundation. He believes the reason the Sixers are struggling on the road so far is that Matisse is slowly poisoning them with cholesterol packed, carb having, calory overflowing fast food just before take-off.
After ingesting large amounts of potato chips providing about 157 micrograms of acrylamide daily for four weeks, the participants had adverse changes in oxidized LDL, inflammatory markers and antioxidants that help the body eliminate acrylamide—all of which may increase the risk of heart disease.
Matisse, how could you?
Going after a man’s heart is strictly against bro code. It’s borderline chemical warfare. If you thought the Sixers weren’t playing with heart on the road already, just wait until these bad boys begin production.
In different circumstances, I may just have had to respect this ploy. It is so dastardly that even my eyes scrolled passed these with barley a second thought. But sadly, you ran into a sleuth my dear Matisse, one that has been woke to your nonsense.
The Sixers might have an issue with this Wolf in Sheep’s clothing. He is just a kid putting on the perfect smile, playing as hard as he can. But what lays beyond those eyes is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, wrapped in an enigma.
Be careful out here Chris, if you need anything give me a call. You have my cell.