Matisse Thybulle: The Sixers Worst Enemy
The Philadelphia 76ers road record is currently one of the most puzzling things in all of sports. How a team can be almost unbeatable at home (28-2) and so terrible on the road (9-21) is unexplainable. Until now.
Sure – we can always joke around and say that Al Horford came here from Boston as a spy and that he’s a traitor to our locker room. We can blame Brett Brown for bad coaching. We can blame the organization as a whole or the injuries, sure.
The real traitor in our midst is the fun-loving, always smiling, Matisse Thybulle. What you are about to read may shock you. It’s taken months of research. But I’m confident in what I have found. “Philadelphia’s Son” is no more.
This is the hard-hitting journalism we needed. 😂 @SerenaWinters has the details on the Chik-Fil-A/Popeyes biscuit debacle where Matisse Thybulle apparently messed up the team’s orders. pic.twitter.com/ktoKD0PRWN
— NBC Sports Philadelphia (@NBCSPhilly) January 12, 2020
Matisse Thybulle innocently grabs food for a few teammates before some home games. Fast food. Typically Chick Fil-a or Popeyes. Interesting choices. No salad? No apples? Fast food before hopping on a plane to face another basketball team on the road, where we have underperformed all season?
Just look at everyone scarfing down greasy chicken sandwiches, loading up on buttery biscuits, and oily fries doused in salt. Disgusting. We, then as a city, rely on them to go out the next day and win a basketball game? Who’s the fool in that situation?
— Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) January 10, 2020
Our team has become addicted to fast food. And lots of it. But wait – why would Matisse purposely be filling our basketball team with fast food so they suck on the road and can’t win any games?
This is a fair question to ask. And here’s your answer:
Matisse played at the University of Washington with Markelle Fultz. Philadelphia HATES Markelle Fultz. You haven’t seen the horror show? Viewer Discretion is Advised:
— The Liberty Line (@LibertyLinePHL) February 28, 2020
After the way this city treated Fultz. Matisse had no choice but to sabotage the Sixers. Fast food before road games was the perfect opportunity.
This was no coincidence:
He brought enough packets of honey to last a year…. that’s why we were really confused 🤦🏽♂️🤦🏽♂️ https://t.co/KM3ZFUNU1h
— Tobias Harris (@tobias31) January 10, 2020
Enough packets of honey to last a year. Go figure. For those of you who aren’t familiar:
Honey huh, Matisse? You’re smooth, I’ll give you that. But we all know what “over-honeying” can do to you. High sugar, high calories. No wonder it looks like the entire team is coming down off a sugar high on the road. It was right in front of our eyes.
He’s not even trying to hide his hate for Tobias Harris on Twitter. As for the media – Matisse has another approach. Clever – but yet again, I’ve caught him. TLL isn’t credentialed yet. (We probably will be after this article) – but I won’t be drinking any water, Matisse.
Matisse Thybulle gave out water to all the media on hand today. Interesting day here so far at the complex pic.twitter.com/8xwpoHSBGA
— Paul Hudrick (@PaulHudrick) December 3, 2019
Giving out water to reporters in order to make them use the bathroom rather than asking real questions is a diabolical move. He’s literally blocking any type of media coverage from really digging in and finding out the real answers.
Ignore Matisse’s hoodie. That’s not what this article is. He’s literally sending subliminal messages out on his clothing so you’ll ignore the bags of Popeyes in this right hand.
This is a picture of the team boarding for a very important West Coast trip and Matisse is all smiles. Now that you’re woke – the evidence pretty much slaps you in the face. If we keep losing on the road, Matisse is the only one to blame.
We’ll see how the team performs tomorrow when they take on the Clippers in LA.
My guess is that they might seem a little sluggish.