Wells Fargo Center no longer serving Lorenzo’s and Rita’s, Communists win
In a crushing blow to my psyche, a Wells Fargo Center spokesperson confirmed in a press release that beloved vendors Lorenzo’s Pizza and Rita’s Italian Ice will no longer be operating in the arena.
Interestingly enough, that same press release neglected to mention the Wells Fargo Center’s new five-year partnership with the Communist Party. Very real sources that definitely exist tell me the new partnership will see these Philadelphia institutions depart from the premises in favor of new, party-owned-and-operated vendors.
Unfortunately, Rita’s and Lorenzo’s had little choice in the matter. Vendors pay WFC for the right to sell their products. That wasn’t exactly feasible for business hamstrung by the COVID-19 pandemic. Having a maximum of 5,000 fans in the arena definitely has made justifying those payments difficult. However, Wells Fargo Center can’t just let these two household names leave its concourses. It’s a disservice to both its fans and its brand.
Of course, the party-appointed spokesperson announced that the Wells Fargo Center has always made a point of having local brands in the stadium, which, sure, is fantastic. The issue I have is the icon status of these two companies has been completely ignored. Leave it to the Communists to remove all idols that are not directly related to the State.
The most insulting part of the whole situation is what WFC has done to fill in for Lorenzo’s. The Party has started selling equally massive pizzas from former Lorenzo’s locations in the arena. How the hell is that even legal? The owner of Lorenzo’s is not happy with the situation, and I can’t say I blame him.
Until the Wells Fargo Center finds new vendors to take their places, the Rita’s and Lorenzo’s signs will remain covered in black cloth. In my opinion, they should be draped in red with a hammer and sickle. Anything else would be a lie.
Mandatory Credit: Jokes on you copyright nerds, it's me.