Well Eagles fans, the wild card weekend matchups are locked in. We now Know the Eagles will be heading down to Tampa to face off against Tom Brady and the Buccaneers.

As we head into this playoff weekend, The Liberty Line will be your go-to destination for all things Eagles football. This includes the fan experience for those amongst you who are traveling south next weekend.

In the interest of making sure you go down there fully informed, I’ve scoured the web to locate the best places in Tampa Bay to hang out before and/or after the game.

I went hard at work finding out the best places for Eagles fans to check out. I made a shocking discovery.

Tampa, Florida is made entirely out of strip clubs. I’d imagine for some of you this is very exciting news.

Emperors Full Nude Gentlemen’s Club Tampa
5718 E Adamo Dr #2, Tampa, FL

Google rating: 3.4 Stars out of 5. 15 total reviews.

Wow. Quite a range of opinions on Emperors Full Nude Gentlemen’s Club Tampa. Local Guide Jeff Barnes is ecstatic this place. Almost a little bit too ecstatic. Why exactly is he so keen on “a good mix” being available? He sounds like he’s got a scorecard or something.

At the same time, Slim Gray Gibson was left wanting more after his visit. To be fair, it appears he may be confusing a strip club with a brothel. He was probably devastated to find out they didn’t think he was really cool.

That 7 AM last call must be for the truly courageous/intoxicated. I can only imagine what the harsh Florida morning light exposes in the parking lot of Emperors Full Nude Gentlemen’s Club, but I’d imagine you’re going to be feeling very sad on your flight home.

Hush Gentlemen’s Club
3260 W Hillsborough Ave, Tampa, FL

Google rating: 3.5 out of 5 Stars. 63 total reviews.

Hush offers food, which is either a good thing, or a terrible thing depending on how strong your stomach is. I couldn’t really find anything specific about their menu in the reviews, but people seem pretty fired up about the drink cost.

Local guide JR in particular was steamed (and not in the way one hopes to be at a strip club). Apparently this place runs an “all you can drink” promo for Sundays, but likes to keep a lid on things. Hopefully, they have improved since JR left his review because as he notes, “CUSTOMER SERVICE IS THE KEY TO SUCCESS.”

It does appear this may have been a past issue that has since been cleared up. A more recent five star review seems to indicate they’ve turned things around. Truly amazing. Hush turned their club around in less time than the Flyers. Maybe Comcast can boot Chuck Fletcher and bring in Nova. She seems to run a tight ship. I don’t know what the replacement hashtag would be for #ChuckFucks, but I’m sure a business mind like Nova can figure it out.

Dreams
4218 E 7th Ave, Tampa, FL

Google rating: 3.7 Stars out of 5. 22 total reviews.

When I saw the google image for Dreams I knew I had to include it.

You have to love a place that has a sense of humor about itself. Honestly, the sign looks gross, but we have to be impartial so let’s check out the reviews.

Yeah, maybe go ahead and skip Dreams.

*Editor’s note* Absolutely go to Dreams.

So where does this leave us?

I don’t have the space to cover literally every strip club in Tampa, and frankly, I don’t want to. I didn’t even want to do this. Just writing this blog altered my brain chemistry to more closely resemble that of a Florida meth addict with a passion for toothless strippers. That town is an empty bog that somehow keeps collecting championships. It’s literally just a bunch of strip clubs and trophies piled in a flea-ridden motel room.

At least now you all know why Gronk was so eager to unretire.

Mandatory Credit: CBP photo by Jerry Glaser