Well, the No Fun Police are at it yet again. Philadelphia City Hall has decided to forgo dealing with all of the murder and carjackings that are occurring in broad daylight throughout the city and focus their attention on what really matters. They’re going to put an end to college kids partying in AirBnBs.

That’s right, folks. The true criminals are finally being brought to justice. Maybe the next move City Hall will make is banning people from fighting in our fine dining establishments.

We all remember what happened at the beloved Golden Corral last weekend.

I guess all the Sixers trade deadline buzz has people distracted and now city officials are doing everything they can while no one is looking.

In all seriousness, I’m shocked it’s not bigger news that a large tech company and a city government teaming up to ban partying isn’t on the front page of every newspaper. Maybe after all of the other bans throughout the city over the last two years this got lost in the shuffle.

Apparently in some parts of the city this has been a problem that is so out of control it requires legislation. Via The Inquirer: 

“One house had a closet ripped out to make room for a DJ station. Others had raucous rooftop parties until the wee hours of the morning, keeping the neighbors awake with loud music and fireworks, leaving trash and bottles of booze in their wake. Another was the site of a nonfatal shooting, with neighbors tracing the explosive fight to a dispute with party guests.

The houses, rented out on Airbnb, are seen by many residents as a blight on their neighborhood, causing noise issues, excessive litter, and — in the worst cases — sometimes violent and unruly behavior.”

Now call me old fashioned, or frankly just old, but when I was in college we generally just got drunk in empty lots or under overpasses along I95.

Though to be fair, your Uncle Beercan was technically only ever enrolled in the school of hard knocks (Community College of Philadelphia) so make of my experience what you will. I would figure that if anything, having kids in a house partying seems safer than having them out in the streets causing trouble.

This isn’t just the government stepping in to regulate things. No, they are working hand-in-hand with AirBnB to discriminate against young people that just want to be able to pee off of a stranger’s roof deck. 

In an Orwellian move AirBnB calls this the “Anti-Party System.”

The story continues:

“According to proprietary data released last week, Airbnb blocked or redirected around 12,500 people under 25 from booking Philadelphia houses in 2021, a system they say is geared toward stopping parties. Anyone under 25 without enough positive reviews on Airbnb is unable to book an entire household in their area.

In neighboring New Jersey, the system blocked or redirected approximately 10,000 people from doing the same last year.

The “anti-party system,” as Airbnb calls it, came as a response to reports from neighbors of rental homes that consistently had noise or nuisance complaints, said Ben Breit, an Airbnb spokesperson. While Airbnb has a forum for neighbors to report issues, the system was meant to prevent these “problem houses” from continuing to operate.”

Someone needs to ask AirBnB if this is still America. What’s the point of being a country if you aren’t going to let people party. Honestly I’ve never seen anyone work harder to look like a group of stuffy villains from an 80’s music video. Kids just want to party. You can try to stop them all you want. But at the end of the day, either a man wearing mascara is going to burst through a wall and tell you to lighten up, or you’re going to get clowned by a trio of rapscallions from Brooklyn.

Come to think of it, lately there’s been a real lack of music about kids that just want to rock/party but aren’t allowed to. Maybe that’s why the Philadelphia City government and AirBnB felt emboldened to ban kids from partying. 

It’s like the ancient philosopher said: Those who don’t fight for their right to party, deserve to lose it.

Renting a place through AirBnB is quite the process. I’m surprised people who list houses on there haven’t been able to stop the partying and weed out these people on their own without getting city officials and AirBnB themselves involved. It sounds like they are the ones that need to grow up and handle tough situations themselves, but I digress.

Mandatory Credit: Richmond News