USFL Stars get ready for week one, unveil new mascot on Twitter
The Philadelphia Stars have introduced a new mascot. With the USFL getting ready to kick off this weekend, the league’s social media teams are working overtime to try to drum up some interest in this new (old league). So naturally, adding a mascot to a team no one cares about would be the next step.
Introducing a new mascot to the city of Philadelphia is a pretty difficult task, which makes sense, given the fact the greatest mascot of all time resides in this city with the Phillie Phanatic.
The Sixers had the legendary Big Shot, before upgrading to Hip-Hop, to then downgrading to Franklin the dog. The Flyers caught fire with Gritty initially, but then everyone came back down to earth in hating the Flyers organization and the fact that Gritty was the biggest face of the franchise rather than the players. Swoop is always representing the Eagles and doesn’t really get involved with much, while the Philadelphia Union shit the bed with Phang.
So what is this new mascot that is looking to be added to the hallowed halls of glory?
Whatever the hell this is:
I mean…okay? The Stars didn’t even name this abomination that resembles McDonald’s Grimmace.
They are currently running a Twitter contest to ring the name, while they continue to use the Phillies signature #RingTheBell hashtag. As things go on Twitter, most people are just being mean and tweeting ridiculous shit back at the Stars but honestly, what did they expect?
This thing looks like it drank too much lean. Its heavy lidded eyes evoke a sadness not usually seen in mascots and the half hearted gyrations and lack of name speak volumes about how un-seriously the Stars are taking this endeavor.
Of course, there is also the elephant in the room. There are a lot of things in nature that are star shaped, namely stars. Would it have been too much to just have a big yellow star wearing sunglasses? Call him Sunny! See I already created a better mascot on my first attempt.
Editors Note: Sunny is not a better name than the unnamed thing above
What does this low-effort creation say about the USFL?
If this is indicative of the overall product of football on the field I’m beginning to get concerned. Is a league masquerading as a different now defunct league actually poorly thought out?
The history of Spring football leagues tells us that this is likely going to be a disaster. All of the USFL teams are releasing their mascots the same way. They all appear to be bizarre, unnamed creations. For instance the New Orleans Breakers mascot appears to be a toothpaste monster of some sort.
Hopefully the USFL puts out a better football product than they do mascots, or this league won’t be around long. The inaugural season of the USFL will be held in Alabama. If things go well, the teams will return to their home cities for future seasons of the league. Until then, the jury is still out on the mascot. If the Stars win it all, he can come back to Philly for the parade.
Mandatory Credit: USFL Stars