“Hustle” Film Review: Adam Sandler is a monster and he hates Philadelphia
I volunteered to write the official film review of the new Philadelphia-based Adam Sandler Netflix movie “Hustle” when it was finally released yesterday and man, what a horrible mistake.
I figured since it’s a sports movie set in Philadelphia, we kind of had to cover it here at The Liberty Line but my most important takeaway from the movie was that Adam Sandler hates the city of Philadelphia, and we should ban him from the city, much like we banned Coldplay last night after that horrible rendition of “Fly Eagles Fly.
I honestly have no idea how this movie received a 4.8 Star Rating and an 89% Positive Review Rating on Rotten Tomatoes. The reviews have to be made up of bots and people who don’t like the 76ers or the population of Philadelphia that like to shove classive pandering tactics down their throats.
The Liberty Line’s official review of “Hustle” (SPOILERS)
Hustle is about a down-on-his-luck basketball scout (Adam Sandler) that discovers an extraordinary player abroad and brings the phenom back without his team’s (76ers) approval.
I’m not burying the lede here. Adam Sandler finds as a scout for the Sixers and in the end, the player gets drafted by the Boston Celtics. From the jump, it seems like a hit job on 76ers fans and the organization itself.
I’m serious. We as a city spent months having this mediocre movie shoved down our throats by every local news outlet only to have it wind up being an elaborate hit piece against the 76ers organization and fandom in this city. I can’t believe they actually had the audacity to have the premiere in Center City.
A quick run down of what happens in Adam Sandler’s latest cinematic atrocity:
The film starts off with about 10 minutes of product placements for various fast food restaurants around the city. The “product placement” rivaled Mare of Easttown for being the worst representation of the Philadelphia area in the history of film.
Little did I know, this was a sign of the quality of the movie to come.
After following Adam Sandler around the globe watching him eat fried chicken and scout basketball players we are transported back to the most magical place on earth, the Wells Fargo Center. We are then introduced to Robert Duvall, who plays the 76ers owner. Immediately, you know that Duvall was going to die at some point in the film and his obnoxious son would be running the show and butt heads with Sandler.
For those wondering, Doc Rivers is still the head coach of the Philadelphia 76ers in this movie. So much for the escapism of movie magic, right?
As predicted, we find out that the owner of the Sixers has died via a breaking news report on Philly sports talk radio. Anthony Gargano, the Cuz himself, is the face and voice of Philly Sports Media in this movie.
Did he know he was making a Celtics propaganda video? I need answers.
So the owner’s son sends Adam Sandler out to find the next great foreign prospect, which of course, he finds almost immediately. For some reason, in spite of him being sent out for the specific task of finding a prospect, the owner’s son doesn’t believe him when Sandler says he’s found the next big thing.
From there we get lots of training montages.
Do you like training montages? I hope you do because I’d say half of this movie is just a guy working out.
When you see your shot, take it.
— Netflix (@netflix) June 8, 2022
Adam Sandler, Queen Latifah, and Juancho Hernangómez star in Hustle. Now on Netflix pic.twitter.com/NEjIUuCnjC
You might notice I haven’t talked much about the prospect Adam Sandler finds in this movie. That’s because he’s a two-dimensional stand-in for Adam Sandler’s character’s hopes and dreams. He’s great at basketball but sometimes he gets upset. I know that’s not the best description but I assure you, that’s basically it for the summary of his entire character in the movie.
The big conflict with this prospect is that in the universe this movie exists in nobody wants to give him a shot because of an assault charge from five years ago. The resolution to the problem is that Adam Sandler remembers the internet exists. I’m not even joking about that part. His daughter shows him her phone and basically says to put the prospect’s training videos on the internet, like that was some grand idea that hasn’t been happening for 10+ years.
And then the movie ends with the magically talented phenom getting drafted by Boston. That’s it. That’s the end. Adam Sandler is coaching under Doc Rivers and Boston gets the star.
The least believable part of the movie however is still the scout, Adam Sandler and his attempt in making viewers believe that he was actually a Division 1 basketball player. Overall, the film plays out like a hit job on the 76ers organization and how bad they are at scouting which hits a little too close to home given the fact that the Sixers thought Jahlil Okafor, Markelle Fultz, Ben Simmons, Zhaire Smith, Furkan Korkmaz, and more would be great picks in the first round of the NBA Draft.
Final Review
Look, I get it. Sandler was given a boat load of money to make movies for Netflix but the majority of them are all standard cookie-cutter garbage. Maybe it was the year-long hype around this moving that ultimately left a sour taste in my mouth before I even hit play, but that was two hours of my life I’m never getting back.
The movie grade is a D- and that’s being generous.
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Mandatory Credit: Netflix
