The Hate List Pt. 1: Reasons to hate every Philadelphia Eagles opponent this season
The NFL season kicks off in less than a month, and it’s time we dive into the Philadelphia Eagles schedule and take a closer look at the reasons we should hate every opponent this year.
This year’s schedule will have the Birds facing off against some of the most hateable teams of all time.
Before we dive into The Hate List, if you wanted to attend any away games listed below, make sure you book your Eagles trips through Phans of Philly, the premier Philly sports travel company. The Liberty Line will be in attendance for Arizona and possibly the bus trip down to DC at the end of September.
Eagles 2022 Schedule
Week 1. September 11: @ Detroit Lions
Talk about a national tragedy. The Lions have been a disaster for their entire existence. They’re so poorly run that two of the greatest football players of all time, Barry Sanders and Calvin Johnson, decided they’d rather call it quits halfway through their primes then keep playing for this franchise. Somehow their historic ineptitude has curdled into some sick nationwide pity fest.
That’s not even mentioning the slob job treatment they’re getting on Hard Knocks this year. This team has a couple of guys give some halfway decent speeches and all of a sudden they’re supposed to be a team to watch? Give me a break.
Dan Campbell will be a position coach working for Nick Saban within the next five years.
Week 2. September 19: Minnesota Vikings
The collective crew of cry baby fans from Minnesota that have spent years upset at how mean Philly was during the 2018 NFC Championship game is all the reason you need to hate this team. On the other hand I have them to thank for my favorite Eagles fan clip of all time. That’s right. The Go Birds clip. Hearing that drunk Eagles fan just dismissively scream in that woman’s face will always make me laugh.
The faux folksy dipshits from Minnesota came into Philly chirping, staging “takeover” events at the Rocky statue nobody cares about, and making a very big deal about how they were going to take over the city. They would never have been gracious winners, so that annoyed lecture from the Karen in the video about how to treat people is extra fun.
Week 3. September 25: @ Washington Commanders
Carson Wentz was handed the keys to the castle by the Eagles. He responded by having a complete and total meltdown because they drafted someone to be his backup quarterback. Never mind he’d been on three playoff teams with the Eagles and hadn’t finished a single playoff game due to his injuries. He blamed everyone but himself. Then he went out to Indianapolis and flamed out all over again on a speed run. He got himself traded from his precious midwest dreamland back to the east coast.
Welcome back to the NFC East Carson. All of the soft headed people that named their kids after you back in 2017 would like to have a word.
Week 4. October 2: Jacksonville Jaguars
The Jaguars feel like an arena league team. If you’d have to pick a reason to hate them, it’d probably be the fact that Urban Meyer was the coach of this team and turned the Jaguars into a bigger embarrassment than they already were. Not to mention, our lord and savior Doug Pederson replacing Meyer feels like a sick joke.
There’s a new era of Philadelphia Eagles football and I know everyone loves to reminisce on the Super Bowl season but it’s time to move on. Lock those memories away and let’s have Nick Sirianni absolutely destory Pederson and the Jaguars in Week 4.
The architect of the Eagles greatest victory being relegated to the strip mall that is Jacksonville seems so depressing. Believe me though, if he calls the Philly Special on game day, there might be a full on riot at Lincoln Financial Field.
Week 5. October 9: @ Arizona Cardinals
The Cardinals prevented the Eagles from making the Super Bowl in 2008 and for this reason we will always hate them. I will never forgive those desert dwelling monsters for stealing what would have definitely been a Super Bowl victory from the Eagles just so they could lose to the Steelers. I literally just made myself sick thinking about that NFC Championship game.
I have no further comment at this time.
Week 6. October 16: Dallas Cowboys
Cowboys fans are some of the most deranged perverts in the world. They are insufferable and you cannot have a civil conversation with them about anything even relating to the team. No Eagles fan should ever consort with a Cowboys fan. I have never met a decent person that loved the Cowboys. The team offers nothing of value and should be disbanded
Anybody outside of the state of Texas that roots for them should be put into camps and re-educated. Wearing an “88” jersey, be it Michael Irvin, Dez Bryant, or CeeDee Lamb should be immediate grounds for arrest.
There is no joke here. This is the entirety of my political belief system.
That will do it for Part 1. Part 2, weeks 7-12 will be released next Monday.
Mandatory Credit: NJ.com