Adult company sends 1,500 gallons of lube to grease the poles before Super Bowl LVII
Adult entertainment company CamSoda is sending a truck filled with (28) 55-gallon drums containing lube to Philadelphia so the City can grease the poles ahead of Super Bowl LVII. The streaming platform previously did this for the Phillies World Series run, but has seriously upped how much lube they are sending this time (1,540 gallons compared to a paltry 550).
CamSoda released this statement detailing the donation of lube to Philly, along with a secret ingredient:
“Here at CamSoda, we know the people of Philly love the Eagles, cheesesteaks, and wiz. We wanted to lend a helping hand to the Philly fanatics – who have been known to take to the streets to celebrate a huge sports victory – including dangerously scaling light poles,” said Daryn Parker, Vice President, CamSoda. “To protect raucous Eagles fans against themselves, we wanted to hand deliver a truck full of lube – mixed with some delicious wiz – to grease the light poles in and around the city with. Lube proves more difficult to scale than Crisco. And the smell of wiz is just…yum.”
Jesus Christ.
I was for this stunt the first time around, but this has taken it a bridge too far. Even the people out there that conflate food and sex would likely be turned off at the idea of their lube being a quarter cheese wiz. That’s hardly an insignificant amount.
Also “yum”??? Yeah I like a wiz wit as much as the next guy, but this is just not the language to be using when talking about this marriage of two unholy worlds.
Plus, the promotional materials they sent out are just unsettling. Yellow droplets on the outside of a 55 gallon drum don’t exactly inspire confidence in its contents, and this is no exception.
Now, this wiz-lube combination may prove to make poles impossible to scale. If so, I applaud CamSoda and their scientific efforts in this field.
Philly fans have shrugged off Crisco for a decade now, so it makes sense to try experimental methods. But Philadelphians, like eagles, yearn for the skies, so I highly doubt anything CamSoda throws at us will cause too much trouble.
You may lube our poles, but you’ll never keep us down.
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Mandatory Credit: CamSoda
