Rat Behavior: The Carton Show resurfaces to guarantee 49ers win over Eagles

The rats are back in full force, ladies and gentlemen. The Carton Show on FS1 has made its climb from deep within the bowels of the sewers to rear its ugly head once more. I honestly forgot the show existed after we ripped them to pieces last year, right before the Eagles beat the living hell out of the 49ers in the NFC Championship game.

Alas, The Carton Show is back to spewing nonsense, and we can’t in good conscience stand idly by and allow this foolishness:

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Not only does Craig Carton guarantee the 49ers beat the Eagles, but he dubs it “The Lock of the Century.” Those are bold words from someone who clearly has very little clue what he’s talking about when discussing the Birds.

It’s incredible how we’re not even a year removed from the last time these teams played. Analysts are using the same talking points from January, and it’s made worse by their clearly crippling delusion.

The Niners are obviously a good football team, but we’ve seen basically this same roster get pulverized by the Eagles. Trent Williams can be the best player in the league, but if Kyle Shanahan assigns a backup TE to block Haason Reddick instead of him, Brock Purdy is getting bodied all game long.

And that’s the thing, I don’t want Purdy to get injured at all. I want him to stand in that pocket for all four quarters and take hit after hit after hit. Extremely devastating (but exceedingly legal) hits, that is.

But of course, the titular rat of The Carton Show can’t admit that. He’d be forced to face the truth and realize he’s been living a lie. Why would he put himself through that? I sure wouldn’t.

Let the delusions comfort you, my friend. Lord knows I do.

Here’s the part of this where I acknowledge he’s doing this for clicks and engagement, both of which I’m providing. Yes, I have considered that. No, I don’t care.

Of course, like any good shitmonger out there in the media world, he’s talking negatively about the Eagles because we fans are quick to arms when our teams are openly disrespected. It’s a point of pride and, no matter how obvious the bait, we’ll come for anyone, even a program like The Carton Show.

The beauty of it is that guys like this hate the Eagles but need them to stay relevant. That’s the Tootsie Roll in the center of the Tootsie Pop for me. Watching these people meltdown talking about the Eagles is already sweet, but there’s something special when you realize it’s what puts food on the table.

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