Search begins for “Yard Pooper” caught on camera terrorizing backyards across Northeast Philadelphia

There’s no easy way to say this. Neighbors in Northeast Philly are dealing with a strange man defecating in their yards in the middle of the night.

The Northeast Philly “Yard Pooper” was caught on a home security camera:

Yard Pooper?

Neighbors in Northeast Philly are looking for a man who allegedly pooped in someone’s yard overnight around 12:30am

Some people think he may have defected in other yards as well. Be on the lookout! pic.twitter.com/S046uEctrc

— PhillyCrimeUpdate (@PhillyCrimeUpd) November 19, 2024

Ahh, yes. I love a good fecal matter mystery. My heart goes out to those affected. Just imagine waking up to that footage on your security camera. Bone-chilling stuff.

This reminds me of my freshman year of college. One Sunday morning, my floormates and I went to the common room of the Sturtevant dorm and found a chair covered in a metric ton of shit. I mean, it was an absurd amount.

Thus, the hunt for the “Sturty Shitter” began. Accusations were levied against many targets. There was even a time when I was the prime suspect.

I was eventually cleared of all charges because, while I’m a fool, I’m not an animal. But things almost went sideways for me real quick.

So, needless to say, I hope justice is served both swiftly and accurately. I want this person caught as much as the next person, but I can’t in good conscience allow an innocent to bear the title of Yard Pooper when the real culprit is still out there.

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