Jared McCain requests trade to Shanghai Sharks to continue TikTok fame in China

76ers rookie Jared McCain’s season came to an unceremonious end due to a torn meniscus. However, that isn’t the biggest obstacle on his path to stardom this year. The US’ looming TikTok ban has the Duke product’s eyes set on a move over seas.

Jared McCain spoke with Daryl Morey to request a trade to the Shanghai Sharks of the CBA:

“I appreciate everything Philadelphia has done for me, but my injury has put a lot into perspective. TikTok has always been my passion.”

When speaking to The Liberty Line, McCain made it clear that his injury resulted in a shift in priorities. He still loves basketball, but he knows that he won’t feel fulfilled without continuing his TikTok stardom.

“My therapist has always made it clear to me that basketball is temporary. I’d much rather shake ass on TikTok than do cardio like bum ass Paul George. Father time comes for us all on the basketball court, but content creation can last a lifetime.”

Daryl Morey appears nonplussed by the rookie’s request, and seems to be willing to find a solution that will work for all parties.

“I don’t think I can legally trade a player to the CBA, but who cares? This team is so fucked I’d take a few cartons of Chinese cigarettes just to feel something again.”

We reached out to President Xi Jingping for comment and, surprisingly, he replied almost instantly.

“I love Jared’s content. I wish he would have requested a trade to Beijing, but these are just semantics. All in all, this is a cultural victory for the People’s Republic of China.”

President Xi has grand plans for the American star. He views Jared McCain as the basketball version of Eileen Gu, the Chinese-American skier who is affectionately known as “Gu Ailing” and “The Snow Princess.:”

“Now, we just need to get him dancing to The East is Red instead of capitalist nonsense like Megan Thee Stallion. Maybe then he can lead the Chinese Olympic team to glory.”

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