If Eagles’ Johnny Wilson needs Hinge, the rest of us are cooked

Fellas, I think we’re cooked. Eagles wideout Johnny Wilson has been seen actively using the dating app Hinge around Philadelphia, and if an NFL player has to use dating apps to get women, I might as well pack it up.

Eagles players on Hinge… I stand no chance

https://twitter.com/jalenreagors/status/1906428621096415436

If you ever needed a sign to delete every dating app on your phone, here it is. Eagles WR Johnny Wilson — a 6-foot-7, freakishly athletic NFL player with a prime roster spot on one of the league’s most talked-about teams — is apparently out here using Hinge to meet women. Yes, Hinge. Not some secret, high-profile celebrity dating service. Not some invite-only private network. Just your run-of-the-mill, swipe-through-the-chaos Hinge.

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Look, if Johnny Wilson has to build a profile, carefully select a few clever prompts, and hope someone finds him attractive enough to match — what are the rest of us even doing? The man is a professional football player. He’s got a verified check, a freakish wingspan, and a literal paycheck from the Philadelphia Eagles. And still, he’s wading through the same pool of “likes,” dead-end conversations, and awkward voice prompts like the rest of us.

It’s honestly humbling. If someone with those physical gifts, that career, and that level of notoriety can’t just casually walk into a room and have options fall into his lap, what hope do we have? I’m sitting here debating whether to update my profile pics or add a witty new prompt while Johnny Wilson is doing the exact same thing — and probably still getting ghosted.

So yeah, it might be time to pack it up. Delete the apps. Call it a day. If making it to the NFL doesn’t unlock a shortcut in the dating world, clearly nothing will.

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