North Wildwood is losing the war against birds obliterating their cars with aerial poop attacks

You hear that? It’s not thunder. It’s the sound of war and unlike the United States of America against Iran, North Wildwood is losing their on-going battle against birds obliterating their cars with aerial poop attacks.

The enemy are tiny, ruthless, carb-fueled sky demons with zero regard for your 2020 Corolla or your clear coat. These aren’t your average seagulls diving for a stray curly fry. This is a full-blown biological attack. An organized splatter campaign being launched from the tree line like a rogue nation with feathers.

North Wildwood is losing the war against birds obliterating their cars with aerial poop attacks

@jotosa

Barefoot Weekend- Poop Update @Wildwood 365 @Wildwood_NJ @The WildwoodsNJ

♬ original sound – Jeanne

Every year we get stories like this, but this time it’s different. That car got hit so hard it looked like someone poured a milkshake through a ceiling fan.

That was more than just a annoying mess. That’s a statement, directly from the opposition. You park here, you pay, and that payment comes in the form of chemical warfare straight from the sky.

I will say, anyone with half of a brain knows that parking under a tree poses the risk of an aerial attack like this. Pair common knowledge with a literal sign that warns people to not park there and maybe the birds aren’t the only ones to blame this time around?

Hey North Wildwood, we need more action than signs…

I’m not sure there’s a bigger warning than a sign that literally tells you to park at your own risk, right? On top of that, I’m wondering why no one has killed these birds yet. At some point, you have to think “enough is enough” and end this attack once and for all.

Why are humans completely bending the knee to a bunch of birds with poop problems? Think about how much time someone took to get that sign, nail it to a tree just to warn people that their vehicle might get shit on.

This could have been resolved by killing that nest of birds in the tree, allowing anyone to park freely under it with no concerns that they will come back to their car and find it covered in bird poop.

North Wildwood should consider taking the “Gas Route” that other towns in New Jersey have already taken when it comes to invasive birds ruining their community. North Wildwood has a decision to make. It’s time to strongly consider what other New Jersey towns have already floated: gassing the birds.

Peapack, NJ exhausted all other options and decided to gas the geese that ruined their local park.

Gas the Geese? New Jersey town plans to kill over 60 geese that took over local park after ‘exhausting all other options’

We’ve reached the part of the war where diplomacy has failed. The warning signs have been completely ignored. Simply parking somewhere else is likely impossible. Finding parking anywhere in North Wildwood is already a bloodsport.

These birds have claimed the skies and now they’re claiming your paint job, your dignity, and possibly your resale value.

@jotosa

@Wildwood 365 @The WildwoodsNJ #northwildwood

♬ original sound – Jeanne

Some towns suggested fogging the trees. Not a bad option, but it’s not going to deliver the death punch this block in North Wildwood desperately needs.

They could go the alka seltzer route and watch these birds blow up in real time. I’m not sure that’s legal in the Rules of War but at this point, anything should be on the table.

These are not birds you reason with.

We’re not saying napalm (unless you have some). We’re saying either gas the birds, kill the nest, or go a safe alternative route and get a little state-approved, EPA-compliant pest control.

If any of that sounds harsh, ask yourself this: What would you do if a raccoon broke into your car and sprayed diarrhea across your dashboard?

You wouldn’t just shrug it off and say, “Nature’s healing.” You’d call Animal Control and ask how many zeroes it costs to make sure that never happens again.

Birds had their chance. They could’ve shared the shade. They could’ve pooped like normal animals — occasionally, anonymously, and with a little respect. Instead, they organized. They declared war.

Now North Wildwood has to respond. Gas ‘em. Burn the nests. Reclaim the block. This is our summer, not theirs.

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