Good luck to Waymo, who plan on testing the roads in Philly this fall

Waymo, the self-driving car company owned by Google’s parent company Alphabet, is rolling into Philly this fall for a test run.

Bold move, Waymo. Real bold.

This city is a National Treasure. It’s a city of love, where eagles fly with a gritty spirit and cheese that spreads and cheese that steaks. Our road trip continues to Philly next. https://t.co/96XzLSFV8O https://t.co/L4PkJySxO5 pic.twitter.com/G58dFGlSaa

— Waymo (@Waymo) July 7, 2025

According to Waymo, their rollout process includes a few phases:

1. Bring in a small fleet of cars and have human “specialists” drive them around to help the autonomous system learn the city.
2. Let the Waymo Driver take over and navigate on its own, while the humans observe and provide feedback.
3. Take those lessons and refine the tech until it’s ready for public rollout.

Best of luck to Waymo…

That all sounds great… in theory. But this isn’t Phoenix. This is Philly. And there’s a very short list of things that scare Philadelphia drivers, and “robot cars” isn’t on it. This is a city that already once traumatized a robot just trying to mind its own business.

I’m going to flip your robot car

— Finkatron 3000 (@FINKADELPHIA) July 7, 2025

You want to test your tech, Waymo? Here’s your checklist:

• Try getting through South Philly on a game day when there are 80,000 drunk maniacs tailgating for Eagles-Cowboys and a car is parked sideways on the sidewalk blasting Meek Mill.
• Let the Waymo Driver take a spin down 676 at 5:30 PM on a Wednesday. If it survives the merge chaos, potholes, and people cutting across three lanes to exit at Broad, give it a medal.
• Send it on I-95 during a construction detour, while Waze screams and a jacked-up F-150 with Jersey plates tailgates at 90 mph.

If this thing somehow learns Philly traffic patterns and lives to tell the tale? Fine. Maybe it belongs. I still have my doubts. The odds of a fully autonomous car making it through this city unscathed are slim to none.

Still the best headline ever, IMO

Boy you guys are in for a ride awakening pic.twitter.com/vhNtuuUPzU

— Noam Chompsky's Chips (@mtskullcrusher) July 8, 2025

Philly drivers are not gentle. They don’t yield. They don’t care if you’re a robot, a rideshare, or a presidential motorcade. If this car malfunctions on Pattison Ave during an Eagles playoff run, someone will flip it. Guaranteed.

So welcome to Philly, Waymo. Just don’t say we didn’t warn you.

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