Cincinnati’s pathetic attempts to court Kyle Schwarber need to stop

The Cincinnati Reds are in the middle of one of the more shameless “please notice me” campaigns in recent memory, and their target is none other than Kyle Schwarber.

You’ve seen it by now. Cincy has handed Schwarber the keys to the city, the ceremonial first pitch with his dad, the whole “hometown hero returns” storyline being force-fed to the public like Skyline Chili on spaghetti.

Get Kyle Schwarber out of Cincinnati

Reds pulling out all the stops for Kyle Schwarber.

They just had Schwarber catch ceremonial first pitches thrown out by his dad and his youth baseball coach.

Schwarber, of course, grew up less than an hour from Great American Ball Park.

— Paul Casella (@Paul_CasellaMLB) August 12, 2025

Kyle Schwarber and his dad with the first pitch?

Kyle Schwarber catching the first pitch from his dad 😞 pic.twitter.com/uscN7pTwQW

— cam ! (@aokstott) August 12, 2025

Cincinnati Media can’t help themselves…

"If you asked the childhood Kyle that, yeah, you know, why wouldn't you want to play for your hometown team."

Kyle Schwarber returns home in the middle of a monster season.

His impression of the Reds and the buzz in Cincinnati about his free agency. pic.twitter.com/ohFvkuEoDp

— Joe Danneman (@FOX19Joe) August 11, 2025

It’s truly disgusting behavior and honestly, pathetic that they would act in such ways. It’s also not great to see Kyle Schwarber himself play along with the entire thing either.

Kyle Schwarber needs to stop the tampering

Look, I love Kyle Schwarber as much as the next Phillies fan. The guy’s a walking nuke, a leader in the clubhouse, and one of the main reasons we’re in the middle of another pennant race. Watching him soak up all this Cincy love-fest while The Fightins are grinding through August is not a great look. Ever.

You can’t be falling hook, line, and sinker for a small-market PR stunt when you’re supposed to be locked in for the stretch run. Save the “homecoming” vibes for after the parade down Broad Street. Right now, it’s about the mission at hand — and that mission is winning the NL East and getting back to the World Series.

The Reality Check Cincinnati Doesn’t Want to Hear

The Reds don’t have the payroll, the track record, or the commitment to go out and actually pay Schwarber what he’s worth. They haven’t handed out a $200 million deal since Joey Votto’s extension in 2014, and they’re not suddenly going to start throwing around big-market money for a 42-homer bat.

They’re doing this because it’s easy. Because it’s cheap. Because a couple of photo ops and some “hometown boy” nostalgia cost nothing and it gives them the illusion of ambition. Unless Schwarber decides he wants to take the biggest hometown discount in MLB history, it’s just noise.

Time to Shut It Down

If Schwarber’s heart really is in Philly, then he should just say it and kill this little narrative before it grows legs. We’ve got enough distractions in a pennant race without our best power hitter smiling for every camera in Ohio.

Stay locked in, Schwarbs. The Reds can have their keys to the city. We’ll take a World Series ring.

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