Micah Parsons caught vaping, looking checked out at Cowboys practice

The Dallas Cowboys are burnt toast. Dead on arrival. Completely irrelevant — and Micah Parsons’ holdout is a big reason why.

Let’s be real: the Cowboys were doomed from the start. The most overhyped franchise in professional sports hasn’t done anything meaningful in 30 years. In the NFL record books of the 2000s and beyond, Dallas is nothing more than a footnote.

Now, with no end in sight for the Micah Parsons contract saga, things look even worse. Parsons looks totally checked out — spotted at practice hitting his vape on the sidelines, slouched over like he was about to fall asleep.

Get Micah Parsons out of there (and a one-way ticket to Philadelphia)

Absolutely pitiful look in late August 😂 Cowboys season is dead weight pic.twitter.com/zEHuX3JZaS

— tom stakes (@tomstakes) August 20, 2025

Micah vaping at practice? They cooked🤣 pic.twitter.com/Sd2YNGqTVi

— 🦅 RUN IT BACK🦅 (LIX Champs💍💍) (@RollPhillyDawgz) August 20, 2025

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On closer look, maybe Parsons is holding one of those squeezable applesauce packs — you know, kid food. But for the sake of the Plot to Bring Micah Parsons Home, we’re calling it a vape.

Whatever it is, his lack of interest in anything Cowboys-related is astounding. Honestly, that picture of Parsons is the perfect snapshot of what it feels like to be a Cowboys fan. It’s almost too perfect.

Dallas brass keeps insisting he’ll suit up Week 1 in Philly, but I’m not buying it. And really, why should he? Playing against his future teammates would be malpractice. Parsons wants to stay healthy, keep his leverage, and eventually step into a fully loaded locker room once he lands in Philadelphia.