Disgusting Behavior: Philly Naked Bike Ride is gross and should be banned from existence

Cut the shit. The Philly Naked Bike Ride is disgusting. Every year, this city lets thousands of people strip down, slather themselves in body paint, and wobble through Center City on bikes under the laughable excuse of “body positivity” and “fuel reduction.”

It’s not charming. It’s not quirky. It’s gross.

There is zero reason that “body positivity” needs to be promoted by a parade of sweaty, naked Philadelphians grinding down the Parkway in 95-degree August heat. Spare me the excuses. This isn’t activism, it’s public indecency with a PR spin.

The Excuses Are Garbage

• “It’s about body positivity.” No, it’s not. If you want to promote body positivity, host a community workout, a health fair, or a clothing-optional yoga class in private. Nobody needs to see naked strangers on unicycles flying past City Hall.
• “It’s about reducing fuel.” Please. If you want to reduce fuel use, ride your bike with clothes on. Slapping a cause onto nudity doesn’t suddenly make it noble.
• “It’s tradition.” So was dueling in the middle of the street. Not every tradition deserves to stick around.

Philly Doesn’t Need The Naked Bike Ride Freak Show

The logistics are insane:

• Tourists at the Art Museum steps? Ambushed by naked cyclists.
• Families in Rittenhouse? Explaining to their kids why some middle-aged guy covered in glitter is pedaling by with everything hanging out.
• Indego rental bikes? I don’t even want to think about it.

Ban The Naked Bike Ride!

Enough is enough. The city should put an end to this embarrassing circus. Promote your causes however you want, but keep your clothes on in public. Philly doesn’t need to be the international capital of “look at me, I’m naked on a bike.” It’s gross, it’s pointless, and it’s long past time to shut it down.

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