Pervert: The Phillie Phanatic stoops to new lows during pivotal moment in Game 2 loss

While the Phillies were busy spitting in the faces of every fan who followed them this season with another pathetic postseason performance, the Phillie Phanatic found a way to stoop even lower. With only one hit in the middle of a brutal game, he decided to strip naked and run across the field.

Let’s call the Phillie Phanatic what he really is: a pervert.

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I mean, what on earth are we doing here? We’re sending the Phanatic streaking on the brink of going down 2-0 in the NLDS. How does that make any sense to anybody?

I understand that I and many others are upset, but my heart breaks the most for the children in attendance. They came in perfectly innocent, just hoping to see their favorite team win a pivotal postseason game.

Instead, what they got was a pathetic performance and a front row seat to seeing the Phillie Phanatic in his birthday suit. Disgusting. Despicable. Depolorable. This simply cannot stand.

I put some feelers out after the game like the real, legitimate journalist I am, and I regret to say that I uncovered some harrowing information. My source at the DOJ sent me this picture that confirms my theory, but makes my stomach turn just looking at it.

If this has robbed you of your innocent view of the Phillie Phanatic, I am sorry, but he’s not the man you think he is. He hails from an island, of course, but not one in the Galapagos. He’s from Little Saint James, the private island of disgraced pedophilic financier Jeffrey Epstein.

We need the files released now. Otherwise, the Phanatic will continue to mar already disgusting playoff losses with his perversion. Thank you for your time, and God bless America.

Gear up in the TLL Shop