National Guard soldiers in Chicago sent home for being ‘too fat’

Some Texas National Guard soldiers are being recalled from their deployment for failing to meet height, weight, and fitness requirements. The move comes after Secretary of War and known clown Pete Hegseth said he was unhappy with overweight soldiers giving the military a bad look.

In other words, some guys from the National Guard are simply too fat:

Imagine being told you're too fat for Chicago https://t.co/ejeykmNJw0 pic.twitter.com/CLVphV7Ze2

— Frank Calabrese (@FrankCalabrese) October 13, 2025

Lol. Lmao, even.

I do feel bad for these guys in the photo because, well, they have been memed into oblivion. Being told you’re too fat for Chicago is brutal enough, having the entire internet mock you – myself included – for you weight is horrific.

But you can also make the argument that the Texas National Guard being deployed to a completely different state is even worse.

Being too fat for Chicago is admittedly something I didn’t know was possible. While it may not be the fattest city in America, it is as spiritually fat as a city can be.

Polish food as far as the eye can see and deep-dish pizza are just two examples. The classic Da Bears sketch from SNL is another shining example of the city’s intrinsic heftiness.

But, at the same time, I get where Hegseth is coming from. The only thing a lot of these guys are capable of guarding is a deep dish pizza. The catch? It’s stored in their stomachs.

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