Philly school kids beating up on Cowboys punching bags guarantees an Eagles win in Dallas this weekend

Cowboys week is in full swing, and Philadelphia schoolchildren are doing their part to help the Eagles open up a can of whoopass. One school in particular set up punching bags with pictures of Dallas players on them, and the kids immediately got to throwing haymakers.

These kids are natural-born Eagles fans, and some of them have Gold Glove-caliber hand speed:

What a Philadelphia elementary school looks like when the #Eagles play the #Cowboys that week 🤯🤯

(📹: @AlexHolleyFOX29) pic.twitter.com/4DYpxOwagY

— Jordan Schultz (@Schultz_Report) November 21, 2025

I know Philly schools catch a lot of flak, but they’re doing the Lord’s work with this. Forget math and English proficiency; instilling Cowboys hate into the hearts of every child in this city is the true mission.

Am I pro-violence? No. But I’m anti-Cowboys. If violence via elementary school children is what’s required to get the Eagles a win on Sunday, then I’m good with letting the kids beat up on punching bags bearing Dak Prescott & Co.’s likeness.

Personally, I’d like to unleash some violence on the Dallas-Fort Worth metropolitan area. I had my wallet stolen out in Fort Worth last night, and I’m pretty pissed about it, quite frankly. So much for that fabled Southern Hospitality.

The SOB used my credit card to get gas at 3 am and hasn’t tried to use it since. Honestly, it’s weird he didn’t immediately try to rack up charges. The juice doesn’t really seem to be worth the squeeze on this one. I would’ve Venmo’d him $100 just to not take my shit, but whatever.

The point is, the kids will be alright.

Gear up in the TLL Shop