ICE might be coming to Philadelphia and I have a few Professional Agitators they should investigate

Rumor has it ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement) might be rolling into the great city of Philadelphia. Nothing’s confirmed, but this is a Democrat city — and remember when Donald Trump famously said, “Bad things happen in Philadelphia”? Yeah. I’d bet the fellas show up at some point.

Now, this article isn’t about whether I think ICE should come here (they shouldn’t — we’re fine). It’s about who they should go after if/when they arrive. And let me tell you, I’ve got a thorough list of people who need investigating.

Let’s start with the obvious — every host at 94WIP needs to be detained. ICE’s mission, according to leatherface herself, Kristi Noem, is to sustain order and remove anyone who doesn’t have America’s interests at heart. Sure, they’re also after illegal immigrants, but as far as I know, none of the hosts at 94WIP are here illegally.

94WIP is ruining this great city. They are literal professional agitators — sent here to rile up the town folk and create chaos. Their goal? Divide and keep it divided.

It’s been going on for a while, and someone has to do something about it. I’m not exactly a fan of ICE, but Goddammit — if anyone can kick people out of our city without legal cause, it’s them. The enemy of my enemy is my friend… or something like that. Not sure that exactly fits the context here, but you get the point (I hope).

And now? 94WIP is pointing the finger at us — the loyal fanbase that just wants to watch our teams succeed. According to Joe DeCamara, it might even be our fault the Eagles haven’t found an offensive coordinator yet.

ICE must detain this man immediately

Joe DeCamara on the impact of Kevin Patullo hate in the Eagles OC search:

"Those kids that egged the house, that is a frickin setback in hiring a coordinator, because the wives know that the last guy's house got egged." pic.twitter.com/zIfEB1IkBm

— SPORTSRADIO 94WIP (@SportsRadioWIP) January 22, 2026

This is rich coming from 94WIP. The force behind the brain rot discourse in this city is now blaming their listeners for essentially following their orders. Blow me.

It’s also worth noting these people don’t have real jobs. They’re living off the frustration they stir up among their followers. Even when things are good, they still push negative narratives. I don’t like that, and I know damn well Big Don doesn’t like it either.

I’ll never forget it — the day after the Eagles won the Super Bowl, Spike Eskin and Ike Reese got into an argument about whether Jalen Hurts is a top-10 quarterback or not. We weren’t even 24 hours removed from the confetti falling on his head, and our sweet Jalen was still the topic of hate speech.

"I told you for the third time to stop yelling at me."

Little friendly awkward moment between Spike Eskin and Ike Reese discussing Jalen Hurts being an elite QB a day after the Eagles won the Super Bowl.

Audio: 94WIP pic.twitter.com/aXlE0qcgZV

— OnPattison (@OnPattison) February 10, 2025

ICE, if you’re reading this, you know what you have to do.

How can we keep the peace in Philadelphia when we’ve got absolute idiots running our most-listened-to sports radio station? It’s simply not plausible. Remove 94WIP and watch how quickly everyone calms down.

You want order restored? Start at the source.

Disclaimer: This is obviously satirical. I don’t think ICE should raid the Tasty Cakes Studios. Would it be hilarious? Yes. Do I think 94WIP is a terrorist organization? Also yes. But no, I don’t want ICE here either.

Alright — there’s one other guy I need investigated before I wrap up this plea for justice.

A week or two ago, someone commented on one of my articles with the screen name “BrianCass boyfriend” and the email “BrianCassGayBoyfriend@gmail.com.” I need this guy dealt with ASAP. I’m not gay! I like women, I swear!