Le’Veon Bell watched Criminal Minds on shrooms and we need to talk about better options

Le’Veon Bell posted some genuinely solid public health advice on social media this week, urging his followers to stay away from shrooms if you are planning to watch Criminal Minds.

Le’Veon Bell public health advice:

do NOT do shrooms & watch criminal minds .. I thought I was the damn suspect 🤣

— Le'Veon Bell (@LeVeonBell) March 1, 2026

“Do NOT do shrooms and watch Criminal Minds. I thought I was the damn suspect.”

Le’Veon Bell. Brother. What are you doing?

Out of every single thing you could possibly put on the television while your brain is dissolving into the couch, you landed on Criminal Minds.

A show where the entire premise is profiling serial killers and recreating their crimes in graphic detail. That is not a vibe. That is not even close to a vibe. The fact that he thought he was the suspect is honestly the most predictable outcome imaginable and I feel for him deeply.

I would not want to watch Criminal Minds sober. The idea of watching it while tripping on mushrooms is the kind of thing that should come with a warning label.

So Le’Veon Bell, with all due respect, let me help you out here because clearly nobody around you stepped in when they should have.

If you are at home and you want something for the music route, the Tiny Desk Concerts on YouTube are the move every single time.

Something with a good aesthetic and real emotion behind it. Phoebe Bridgers, Julien Baker, Tigers Jaw. Anything in that world. Another incredible option is Sticky Fingers performing Cyclone on YouTube. Sit back, let it wash over you, and just go wherever it takes you. That is the correct experience.

If music is not doing it and you insist on watching something, Planet Earth. No debate. The visuals are extraordinary, there is always something new to look at, and David Attenborough’s voice is genuinely one of the most soothing sounds a human being can experience under any circumstances.

I will share a personal lesson here because it applies directly.

I once thought Gladiator would be a great movie to put on while tripping on the couch alone. It was not. Watching Russell Crowe chop people’s heads off turns out to be significantly less of a visual adventure than I had anticipated.

Go figure. Learn from that. Save yourself.

The bigger issue is that Le’Veon Bell should have been outside in the first place. I am not sure exactly where he is these days but there has to be a park, a trail, literally anything within a reasonable distance that beats sitting on the couch watching a procedural crime drama. Getting outside while tripping is almost always the right call.

Criminal Minds on the couch is the ceiling of bad decisions in this specific category and he somehow found it. Stay safe out there Le’Veon Bell. And please, for the love of everything, put on Planet Earth next time.

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