Clavicular arrested on battery and soon-to-be charges for shooting an alligator, Florida Police report shows he’s 5’11” and named Braden Peters
Nobody looksmaxxes harder than a man known to the internet as Clavicular. He burst onto the scene not long ago by declaring that Sydney Sweeney is mid, which should give you a clear picture of who we are dealing with. Truly one of the great thinkers of his generation.
If you are unfamiliar with the term looksmaxxing, consider yourself fortunate. It’s something that I will never get back but even now I’m not really sure I understand what the hell is going on these days.
Here’s my best take on it.
Looksmaxxing is the act of maximizing your physical appearance through grooming, exercise, and in some cases literally bashing your face with a hammer to reshape your bone structure.
Clavicular making up words to insult Sydney Sweeney
That last part is real. Kids these days do that. In the 1990s and early 2000s, we just called people like this losers and moved on but apparently they have terminology now. Still, as I write this, I can’t figure out if this dude Clavicular is just a character and joking or if he’s actually serious.
Anyways, our guy Clavicular recently traveled to the Florida Everglades and, for reasons that remain unclear, shot an alligator in the head with a handgun. That was a really horrible idea because shocker, you can’t just shoot alligators in the head.
That’s a felony in Florida.
Clavicular shotmaxxed an innocent gator in Florida
Clavicular and his pals then posted the video online which like… duh thats a horrible idea. The internet rats immediately tagged the Florida Wildlife Commission. A warrant was issued and just like that, the walls began closing in on our heromaxxer with the perfect jawline.
Clavicular’s Florida Arrest Record Was The Craziest Part
Clavicular’s real name is Braden Peters. Weak name. Maybe that name is public knowledge already but he sounds like a kid that would have played soccer in high school and went to Penn State. You know the type.
The arrest report lists no aliases, no nicknames, nothing that would indicate the law enforcement community is aware of his status as the looksmaxxing king. That’s a bad look for the brand. Clavicular got arrestmaxxed by the Florida police and let me tell you, that’s STILL not the worst thing that happened to our guy.
The real damage is the height listing. The arrest report immediately clocked him as 5’11”. For any normal person this is mildly embarrassing.
For a man who has built his entire brand on genetic optimization and physical perfection, having your actual height exposed in a public arrest record, while apparently lying about your actual height might be the single most devastating thing that could happen to him…. outside of what they do to guys like him in jail.
The comments were merciless and they were correct.
Also worth noting that the arrest date, charges, and county on the report do not appear to match the alligator shooting, which means Clavicular has a whole separate set of legal problems coming down the pike that the internet has not even gotten to yet.
Ya think you know a guy and next thing you know, it turns out is a sub-6-foot dork named Braden Peters. Unfortunate, really.
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