Brain Rot: Eagles predicted to chase Lamar Jackson next offseason because there’s nothing else to write about

The Eagles are now being floated as a landing spot for Lamar Jackson next offseason, which tells you everything you need to know about where we are on the football calendar.

We’ve hit the stretch of June where the actual football has stopped and the content has not. OTAs are done. Minicamp is wrapping up. Camp is weeks out. And into that void walks Jason La Canfora of Sports Illustrated, who decided to word vomit his way to linking Lamar to the Eagles.

It worked. I’m writing about it right now. The machine hums along.

Here’s the quote, in full, because I’m not going to clip it to make him look worse:

“Call me crazy, but if the Eagles are still looking to upgrade at QB after this season, I could see Howie Roseman inserting himself into this Lamar situation in a big deal. If Jackson isn’t extended by Week 1 they will be hanging a huge ‘Call Us About Our Quarterback After The Season’ sign on the front of their franchise.”

Now go back and count the ifs.

This is what the Eagles offseason looks like when there’s nothing to write about

Look at the chain of events this requires.

Hurts has to play badly enough that the Eagles front office wants out. The front office has to actually pull the trigger on a quarterback who just won them a title. Jackson has to go un-extended into Week 1. Jackson has to be available at all. And Roseman has to “insert himself” into a trade for a soon-to-be-30-year-old who reportedly wants to be the highest-paid player in the sport.

The beauty of it is that none of it ever has to come true. It’s a take with no expiration date and no accountability built in.

Lamar Jackson is not walking through that door

The Jackson half is somehow more far-fetched than the Hurts half.

He’s on a five-year, $260 million deal he signed in 2023, the one he got after publicly demanding a trade. That contract reportedly needs his sign-off to be moved and locks out the franchise tag after 2027. He turns 30 in January. And the prevailing theory is that he wants to reset the market all over again now that Kansas City bumped Mahomes to $64 million a year through 2033.

So the pitch is this: ship out a king’s ransom for an older, pricier quarterback, crown him the highest-paid man in the league, and use him to replace the guy who was just named Super Bowl MVP.

Let’s revisit the guy he’d be replacing. Two Super Bowl appearances. One ring. MVP of the game he won. A man who dragged a roster to a championship and still gets blamed for the parts of the offense he never touched.

You don’t trade that away to chase a more expensive version of the same skill set.

Howie Roseman will do almost anything, just not this

I’ll hand the projection one inch of land: betting against Roseman doing something deranged is historically a great way to look stupid. This is the man who once tried to trade for Russell Wilson. This is the man who spent a second-round pick on Hurts when the entire draft room shrugged.

So no, you can’t fully rule anything out around here. That’s the one honest sentence in the whole exercise.

But “you can’t rule it out” and “I could see this happening” are not the same animal. One is humility. The other is a headline with a quarterback’s name in it.

None of this is real. It may never be. It’s a hypothetical about a quarterback who hasn’t been made available, hung on a quarterback who hasn’t had the bad year the entire thing depends on, filed in the slowest week of the year by a guy who needed something to put his name on.

It’s June. Everybody’s bored. The clicks have to come from somewhere.

You read about it. So did I. Mission accomplished, I guess.