Noah Kahan’s Philly concert featured a poopy pants incident, the latest symptom of the White Woman epidemic gripping this country

Popular folk artist Noah Kahan performed at Citizens Bank Park on Friday to a sellout crowd that I’m assuming was 90-95% white women. They fucking love this guy. I’m not exactly sure why — the mechanics of the female mind evade me.

And not just because of their love for Noah Kahan. I’m sure his music is great, just not my style. It’s because there was a poop incident in the crowd Friday night, perpetrated by a white woman. Noah Kahan tweeted about it himself, urging his loyal fans to please, for the love of God, if you have to shit, get to a goddamn bathroom.

Noah Kahan has had enough of his White Woman followers

If you have to poop at a show please dear god just go to the bathroom lmao I’ve pooped my pants as much as the next 29 year old but you guys gotta understand there’s a venue worker out there with a 1000 yard stare after dealing with that

— Noah Kahan (@NoahKahan) June 27, 2026

Absolutely diabolical. Not only do we have firsthand accounts of this mess, we have video evidence as well.

Per Reddit, we had two poopers in the crowd, both on the ground level. They didn’t want to miss any songs, so instead of doing the normal-person thing and heading to the restroom, they filled their pants with shit, picked it out of their ass, and started painting the ground with it. Mind you, this was a sellout crowd. There was a zero percent chance they were going to pull this off without anyone noticing. These white women simply didn’t care.

>> Shop Philly Sports Gear Here

Waffle stomping the shit into the ground is just insane. Playing it off like nothing happened is equally insane.

On one hand, I kind of respect it. Those bitches were NOT going to miss a Noah Kahan song. Hell or high water (or soiled shorts), they were staying for the duration of the concert.

This feels unbelievable. Even I questioned it. As a staunch loyalist in the fight against White Women, this felt too crazy, even for them. But then I saw the video, and it all began to make sense. It was like a shot of acid straight into my veins. I saw infinite realities, infinite futures for human existence — all culminating in eternal hellfire and the gnashing of teeth, led by a secret society of white women, raised by wolves and trained by the Devil himself.

Some women aren’t looking for anything logical, like a toilet. They can’t be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with. Some women just want to watch the world burn.

White Women must be stopped

Context for everyone: pic.twitter.com/HQvJykc2sq

— Noah Kahan Archive (@KahanArchive) June 27, 2026

It looked like a goddamn crime scene. Horror, pain, anguish. Pure, unfiltered dread, the screeching of a thousand knives on a chalkboard. It’s all I feel when I see this video. It evokes a deep paranoia inside of me — a paranoia that can only be summoned by vampires and witches.

I pray someone brings these women to justice. Not just for my sanity, but for our collective hope for the future. Mankind depends on it.