It’s that time of the week again, folks. The weather was crap, work was a drag, and that girl you always see at Trader Joe’s on your lunch break turned out to have a boyfriend. No matter, just forget about all that stuff like she immediately forgot about what you thought was a pretty good line about dried fruit. Moron.

Have no worries, as a whole lot is happening this weekend in the world of Philly sports and beyond. Maybe even enough to take your mind off of how horribly lonely you are (and always will be)! Crack open a cold one, throw on a pair of inappropriately short shorts, and get primed for the weekend. It’s time to let it rip.

Sixers face off with the Clippers, get two well-earned nights off

Joel Embiid is officially back, ladies and gentlemen. Even when slowed by the brace on his knee, he is still the most dominant force in the NBA. Sure, we didn’t get the back to back ass whoopings I promised last weekend, but we should have an entertaining contest when we host the LA Clippers. It’s unclear if either team will be at full strength as Tobias Harris and Kawhi Leonard are both questionable to play. Regardless, it should be an excellent matchup between title contenders.

Unfortunately, this is yet another nationally televised game on ESPN: The World Wide Leader in Garbage Broadcasts. I swear to god, if I have to listen to Doris Burke talk about the size of Kawhi Leonard’s hands one more time, I’ll make the trip to Bristol, CT, and throw hands with the first person I see.

You can catch the game on The Trash Network at 7pm and read a full preview of the matchup here.

Phillies open series vs. the Cardinals, apparently we play other teams?

There is no denying that the Phillies have fallen back to earth after their absurdly hot start to the year. Pretty much the entire team, including last week’s messiah Rhys Hoskins, has cooled off big time, and now they sit at 6-6, one game back of the New York Mets. After twelve games in the NL East torture chamber, our Phils head back to The Bank to kick off a weekend series against the St. Louis Cardinals.

Personally thought that we would play all 162 games against the Braves and Mets, so this is news to me. Regardless, we’ve got Eflin, Moore, and Anderson(?) pitching, so we’ll see how that goes. My excitement level for this series is flatter than a Spencer Howard fastball, but I’m still going to watch. You should, too. It’ll be the perfect series to justify drinking progressively earlier each day, with start times at 7:05, 4:05, and 1:05 as the weekend goes on. Praying to god Kruk is in the booth.

Peep our series preview here. I know I will be reading it, as I know nothing about the Cards.

Flyers

Dogecoin to the MOON

Now this is in no way legal financial advice, but dump your entire life savings into Dogecoin. The more people buy the more it’s worth. It’s basic economics. And if you profit off this advice, maybe show a little love and cop a Wolves of Broad St. shirt from our corporate overlords over at DSGN TREE.

Liberty Line Radio

The Misery Report, Philadelphia’s sexiest sports and lifestyle podcast, will be on Fox Sports The Gambler from 5 – 6 pm. Not sure how they’re still on the air, but they managed to pull it off.

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