The first round of the NFL Draft starts tonight at 8pm on ESPN, which means 32 former college football players will have their names called, their prayers answered, and their dreams come true. These athletes will have worked their whole lives to get to reach the pinnacle of their sport. Countless hours running drills or working in the gym have led to this moment.

One by one, they’ll take the stage, greeted by the Commissioner of the NFL and known lizard man Roger Goodell. They’ll smile as they are awkwardly embraced by Godell, snap a picture with the jersey of their new team, and immediately be reminded of the greatest tragedy of their life.

Yes, you read that right. I didn’t even exaggerate how swiftly that chain of events would occur for comedic effect. And I exaggerate everything for comedic effect. ESPN is just that obsessed with tragedy in sports. As a disclaimer, I do appreciate the difficult lives these young men have led. It is absolutely a testament to their strength. Insert other stuff here that doesn’t make me insensitive. However, ESPN has a habit of going WAY TOO FAR. They have moved away from being the “World Wide Leader in Sports” in favor of being the “World Wide Leader in Tragedy Porn.” Don’t believe me? Let’s take a look back at some shining examples from the 2020 Draft.

The most egregious and well-circulated example has to be the “Get to Know” graphic shown once Clemson WR Tee Higgins was drafted 33rd by the Bengals.

Wow, that is heinous. Yeah just toss that casual fact in there ESPN, we all see right through you. Imagine getting drafted in the first round after years of hard work, and the first thing someone says to you is, “Hey, congratulations! How’s your mother, still addicted to crack?” That’s seriously messed up. How is that remotely okay? Now, Tee Higgins handled it with grace and was very mature about the whole situation. However, he should never have been put in that spot.

While that is definitely bad, something like that was posted every three picks or so. ESPN didn’t miss a single personal tragedy, regardless of how big or small it may seem. Alabama wideout Jerry Jeudy’s sister passed away when he was a senior in high school, Laviska Shenault’s mother contracted and survived West Nile Virus in 2012, and Michael Pittman Jr. has a stutter. Why does this need to be shared, especially when these kids are supposed to be enjoying the peak of their careers to date? This is such weird behavior from ESPN.

Look, I know I’m saying this needs to stop for the sake of the draftees, but it’s also coming from a bit of a selfish place. I’m watching the draft to see who the Birds take and how the league is going to look going into the season. I really don’t care about the personal tragedies of every single person that gets drafted. I also don’t really feel like I should be made to feel bad for a 1st round pick and soon-to-be millionaire. I ate the heel of a loaf of white bread for dinner last night. I didn’t even toast it. Why? I don’t own a toaster. So forgive me if I don’t feel like hearing about how Mississippi State TE and Bosnian refugee Borislav Pjanic lost his entire family to Clinton’s NATO bombings while I drink beer calories for dinner because I’m out of bread. Just let me be excited for the guy getting drafted.

I’m not talking bad about the players. I respect the hell out of them, they’re going to the NFL despite some really horrible stuff happening to them or their loved ones. My beef is with the trash network ESPN for milking these players’ personal tragedies for clicks and dollar bills, all at the behest of their corporate daddies at The Mouse Company. It makes me sick.

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Mandatory Credit: Sporting News