Eagles’ rookie wideout and Heisman trophy winner DeVonta Smith has been all about getting his money since being drafted 10th overall. One of the many moves Devonta has made since having his name called Thursday night is launching his own NFT called “Smitty Coin.”

Despite the name, DeVonta has not gone balls-to-the-wall and created his own cryptocurrency. Instead, Smitty opted to release… whatever this is. For those of you that do not know what an NFT is, lucky you. Click out of this article and go do whatever it is you’ve been doing under that rock of yours the past few months. If you do, stick around for what can only be called uneducated but entirely correct statements.

NFTs are, in my opinion, among the dumbest things ever created. The only worse idea may be selling magnum condoms within a 10-mile radius of Malvern Prep (shoutout Phil Gosselin). I do not care how they work. I googled NFTs before writing this paragraph – the whole concept was honestly so stupid and boring I started doing my actual job. That’s the kind of black-magic voodoo crap we’re dealing with here.

By purchasing DeVonta Smith’s non-fungible token, fans of the former Alabama star are promised access to live streams, watch parties, and other ways to interact with the Slim Reaper. While they may get those exciting privileges, there is also a hidden cost: their soul. Like DeVonta, those that purchase Smitty Coin will lose their individuality and become a cog in the capitalist machine. It will never cease moving forward until every person or resource has been exploited or extracted to the fullest possible extent. Or, it may allow for unprecedented access to a fan’s favorite player. And, who knows, maybe over time, it will foster a sense of closeness they’ve never even felt with their own family, let alone an NFL superstar. I don’t know – I’m neither an economist nor a psychologist.

In all honesty, I can’t fault the kid. Nothing is guaranteed in the NFL, and he’s already got a big enough brand that he can take advantage of and rake in that sweet, sweet moolah. Being able to guarantee a secure future for you and your family is nothing to be ashamed of, even it means you become a money-making robot.

I really can’t even talk in this whole situation. Drew has been leaving free t-shirts out like breadcrumbs for me. The more I write and the more views I get, the more free shirts I receive. If he can motivate an illiterate person to sit down and write articles for free custom apparel, imagine what he could get me to do for money.

Also, for the dense folks in the comments that don’t get this as a joke, stop wasting our time and just listen to 97.5 in the afternoon. That programming is probably more your style.

Mandatory Credit: If you have to ask you must be new here.(me)