In a story that simultaneously shocked everyone while surprising no one, Howie Roseman went on 94.1 WIP’s morning show and revealed an important tidbit about Eagles Head Coach Nick Sirianni: he does not drink any caffeine. Don’t believe me? Here’s Howie’s words.

“It’s kind of funny, because everyone thinks he drinks a lot of coffee. He actually doesn’t even drink caffeine. This is just him, naturally.”

Howie Roseman

I’m not entirely sure how Howie Roseman got onto this topic of conversation with Nick Sirianni, but I don’t really care. If anything, this reflects well on Howie’s hiring skills. If Howie dug deep into every candidate like he did Sirianni, he clearly did his due diligence. However, if Howie only directed that sort of attention to Sirianni, that may be a sign of a creepy, possibly psychosexual obsession with his new head coach. To be frank, that doesn’t matter to me as long as we win football games.

Regardless of Howie’s possible hormone-driven preoccupation with Nick Sirianni, this piece of information about Sirianni’s energy levels is incredibly encouraging. Some people like to joke about Sirianni’s energy and say it makes him seem like a dope, but I entirely disagree. Plus, now that I know that he is fueled solely by sharp route-running, his love for the game of football, and the blood of his enemies (I assume), I am 100% in on Nick Sirianni. Honestly Philadelphia, you should be too.

Just look at Sirianni. This is a guy that wakes up every day, and even morning show hosts are like, “can this guy tone it down?” And I, for one, think that is a great thing. I need a psychopathic football warrior roaming the sidelines and getting in his players’ faces. Just imagine how intimidated our division rivals will be when our head coach’s eyes roll back into his head as he heaves a water cooler 60 yards. They’ll really lose it when he begins speaking in an ancient language even top linguists and philologists cannot place. The X-factor is impossible to ignore!

Guys like that can win over a locker room, especially one full of young guys like the Eagles have on offense. Do I worry there’s a chance the weakest rookie may be sacrificed to feed Sirianni’s lifeforce for another season? Absolutely! But it’s a risk I’m willing to take. I don’t even need wins to justify it, just watchable football and zany, engaging press conferences.

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