A presumably stoned out of his mind Nick Sirianni had an interesting message for his players in an Eagles team meeting earlier this week. After a massive toke from a tightly rolled joint, Sirianni let his mangy dreadlocks down from his visor and put a picture of a flower up on the whiteboard. He then proceeded to explain how root systems work or something? When asked to expand on it in a press conference, Sativa Sirianni had this to say:

Jesus Christ. That must have been some good shit.

Look, I get what you’re trying to say, Nick, but come on. I understand you need to find a way to keep players, especially vets, invested in what appears to be a lost season. However, the way to do that is not to take a bong rip and have a third-grade science class.

If I’m Fletcher Cox, a Super Bowl champion and grown-ass man, I’m not even remotely impressed by this. We’ve all got that one buddy that loves to get high and talk about science, but that person is rarely our boss or coach.

What stinks is this is a genuinely decent point to try and make. The Birds have a lot of young talent and their development is something to strive for even when wins aren’t coming.

At the same time, the analogy is just one of the dumbest things ever. And coming from a guy like Sirianni who smacks the pen until it blinks daily, it probably sounds even dumber.

To make matters worse, it’s all just crap anyway. This team flat-out blows. Nobody is developing. Hell, the only growth this team is experiencing is in the L column.

Why am I not surprised he used this stupid example? I knew Sirianni was a little weird, but I always thought it was because he was born that way. I wanted to wait to clown him for his stupid press conferences, but now that I’ve seen him call plays, I’m confident this guy is baked 24/7, thus making him fair game.

People thought Jeffrey Lurie hired Nick Sirianni so he could control him, and that may still be true. However, I think it’s pretty clear how these two are smoke buddies. Some guys click when they share a doobie, and that’s what I now assume got Nick the job.

I can just imagine them lighting up the geeb, going to town on some freshly ground nugs, and giggling to themselves, going, “dude dude dude, what if we ran even more screens?” then falling out of their chairs.

I’m not here to bash marijuana users, by the way. It’s legal for medical use here in the Commonwealth and recreational use in many other places. Hell, it should be legal for professional use, whatever that means.

Even with that being said, Sirianni needs to put down the water pipe before this Eagles season goes up in smoke.

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From the mind of Ryan Conway