Psychological Warfare: The Cowboys selling a plant-based vegan cheesesteak sandwich
Pictures started to circle the internet today of a plant-based vegan cheesesteak sandwich that will be sold by the Dallas Cowboys during home games this season. News broke about their new sandwich as we head into NFL week three where the Philadelphia Eagles will be in Dallas on Monday Night Football. Maybe it’s just a coincidence? I think not. The Cowboys releasing an embarrassing rendition of a cheesesteak the Friday before playing the Eagles is definitely a planned attack against the city of Philadelphia.
I highly doubt anyone in Dallas, Texas was clamoring for a new plant-based option while attending a Cowboys game. In fact, I doubt there’s any NFL football fans that were pushing to have such options while drinking a million beers and stuffing down tailgate food before heading into any stadium for a football game. “The Demand” for such a product is made up, just like everything else vegans and vegetarians claim to be important.
Here’s a real question I have: If you have a cheesesteak with no real meat or real cheese, then why the fuck are you calling it a cheesesteak in the first place?
You can probably order one of these with a size of zucchini fries and a non-alcoholic vegan free beer for $97.00 at Jerry’s World. And no, Darren Rovell, this isn’t a “sign of the times” you dork. This is a pathetic attempt to take a shot at Philly and push some sandwich that literally no one asked for.
Look, I don’t have a problem with anyone or what they choose to eat. Eating healthy is great. The problem when it comes to these Vegans and all these other weirdo food people is they constantly try to tell you why you shouldn’t eat what you want, but rather eat the way they want you to eat. It’s annoying. They never know when to just shut up and mind their own business.
After the Cowboys spent all week crying over Nick Sirianni’s t-shirt selection, now they drop these fake cheesesteaks and honestly, there’s no other way to look at it than a form of psychological warfare against Philadelphia. Luckily for the Eagles and Philly, there’s no possible way we could even acknowledge this disgrace as anything close to a cheesesteak so like usual, the Cowboys failed in their efforts.
Typically when something like this happens, I notify the Philadelphia Hoagie Commission to review the sandwich and make a decision on whether we should move forward with a full on investigation. Knowing that the PHC is extremely busy, I decided to keep this out of their hands, mainly because nobody gives a shit about anything that the Cowboys do, especially when it’s such a terrible attempt at trolling Philadelphia by naming a sandwich made out of plants a cheesesteak.
For everyone else, enjoy the weekend. Grab some food, whatever type you want, and let’s kick back and relax until Monday night. Cheers.