TSA confiscates 2 knives hidden in a Darth Vader teddy bear, airports aren’t what they used to be
A disappointing story from Philadelphia International Airport where TSA agents discovered two butter knives stitched inside a nine-year-old boy’s Darth Vader teddy bear. Of course, those soulless fun-hating bastards from the TSA confiscated the toy AND the knives.
This is ridiculous, honestly. Sure, take the toy. The kid is almost a man now.
But, by God, let the boy keep his knives.
It’s tough to sit here and accept this is the state of our great nation. What’s a nine-year-old going to do with two of the dullest knives I’ve ever seen? If I was the agent, I’d teach the kid how to sharpen the knives and send him on his way.
Is this really what the airport experience has become? Back in my day, we didn’t have TSA agents; we had sexy cocktail waitresses that pretended to like you even if you were ugly. Basically, what Dan Snyder uses the WFT cheerleaders for.
Hell, I remember a time when you’d offer the pilot a cigarette, and he’d say thank you. Now it’s all, “no smoking on the plane” this, and “sir, no loaded firearms allowed on the plane” that. I’m honestly sick of it.
It’s ridiculous that I can’t light up a stogie and open a bottle of wine with a corkscrew, all of which I brought from home, without the flight attendants and air marshals “arresting” me, or whatever they call it.
A photo of me in my glory days. Ahhh, how I miss it.
The worst part? The TSA is proud of this newfound role in society:
“This is a good example of why we cannot assume that something as innocent-looking as a child’s stuffed animal is not a risk to security,” said total fucking buzzkill Gerardo Spero, TSA’s federal security director for PHL.
Even with this hypervigilant approach, I’m honestly surprised they found them at all. My experience with TSA searches at PHL has been… weird, to say the least.
One time, the TSA at PHL picked up my friend’s computer and asked, “any knives in here?” When he responded no, the agent went and swabbed the laptop.
So, in my mind, they swabbed this computer for knife residue. Of course, you can say it was a swab for explosive compounds, but that’s just not how it went down at all.
Hopefully the TSA can figure it’s shit out. Until then, pray the boy gets some new knives.
Mandatory Credit: TSA Northeast