The Philly accent used to be very hard to come by in the media. When I was a kid, it always used to bug me when shows and movies would be set in Philadelphia and everyone would inexplicably talk like they were in Brooklyn, or in some cases like “Invincible,” Boston. Lately this has changed. I hate it.

The Philly Accent is suddenly everywhere.

Mare of Easttown has it. Every actor that dropped thousands of dollars unlearning it with vocal coaches now tries to break it out as a party trick.

The worst part isn’t the actors desperately trying to reclaim their lost heritage while they slip into a Baltimore accent. Check out Kevin Bacon in this clip below starting at 4:00.

Disgusting.

People act like the Philly accent is some mysterious entity and not a collection of weird vocal tics that are shared by tens of millions of people.

A couple of quick points about the Philly accent:

Saying “jawn” isn’t talking with a Philly accent. I don’t care what the movie Creed told you. Words aren’t accents you dopes.

The wooder vs. water thing is overblown. That’s a mid-Atlantic thing that happens all through Pennsylvania and into Maryland so please, get over yourselves.

People that used to be ashamed of their accents are now trying to claim them as their own.

The most egregious perpetrators aren’t the new college kids that are just overly excited to be “FROM PHILLY YO!”

No.

The worst part about this recent accent dialog has been the expats. The hoity-toity intellectual types that consciously sound out the word “water” lest someone sniff out that they are from an east coast city that isn’t Washington D.C. or NYC.

These people are now desperate to let people know that “Hey it’s actually a cool thing, but I used to be one of youse guys… Not anymore though! But I sure as heck love this fun accent I have been ashamed of ever since I went to college.”

It’s bad enough that we have to deal with washed up radio hosts from Miami taking shots at us for fun. We also have to deal with egg headed intellectuals that want to ponder “What ever does it even mean to be Philadelphian? Why must we speak this way?”

The latest offender is from a hoity toity dipshit named Kate Dailey writing for Philly Mag. She starts off proudly describing how her mother had to “flee Frankford for the suburbs.” What exactly was her mother fleeing? I’m sure it had nothing to do with some new neighbors.

She goes on for quite a while about how she trained her children to correct her (probably racist) mother years ago to pronounce words correctly. Now she’s upset about how they’ve begun to talk like their classmates since they moved to Philly. To say the very least, she sounds very tiresome.

If you want to torture yourself feel free to read her article all about how her kids are shockingly talking like their friends.

Folks, I have an earnest plea regarding all of this Philly accent nonsense:

Let’s all just do ourselves a favor and go back to insisting we don’t have an accent. Let’s not all talk about the fun words we use to describe stuff. I don’t need another soulful ode to what it means to be a “young bul” or what the difference is between how we pronounce the letter “o” based on what county you’re in.

Please. Shut the hell up.

Mandatory Credit: HBO