I know a lot of our readers are worried sick about the odds that World War III will break out because of the Russian invasion of Ukraine. Well Liberty Linemen and Lineladies, it is with a heavy heart that I have to announce that World War III is a mortal lock to occur.

According to a man who was abducted by aliens 50 years ago, WWIII is inevitable. Oh, and they warned him about the COVID-19 pandemic too.

“Calvin Parker said that he kept these visions to himself until recently when he decided to reveal his claims of abduction 50 years prior as he now fears they are coming true. The 68-year-old said that he was fishing on the banks of a river in Pascagoula, Mississippi, with his friend Charlie Hickson, when they claim that a UFO landed nearby. He then said that he was shown terrible events from humanity’s past, present and future during his close encounter back in 1973.”

(via The Mirror)

Visitors from the stars promise World War III?

Aliens popping down to Earth to warn a random guy in Mississippi of the terrible things to come? Certainly sounds like the sort of nonsense they’d get up to. Calvin says that the Aliens had “Lobster-like claws and carrot-like noses and ears.” Props to Calvin for being able to listen to a single word they said while that monstrosity prodded him with their freakish claws. 

Specifically regarding the Alien’s dire warnings of World War III Calvin says: :

 “Then there is going to be a great war that one side blames the other. In my vision I have seen people’s skin melt off their body. I don’t know if it’s a nuclear war or not but it puts nation against nation. There will not be a nation on Earth that is not touched by this war.”

People’s skin melting off their bodies?! What the hell Calvin? Maybe you could have given us a heads up about this kind of thing a bit sooner? Why would you wait until Putin has already crossed the border into Ukraine and triggered a response from NATO?

I have to think the Aliens thought they’d picked a better messenger when they dropped the dime on the future back in 1973. At least he’s warning us about WWIII before it’s ended. More than we can say about his COVID-19 warning.

As we all know COVID-19 is now over. Calvin felt it was a good idea to wait until now to tell us he was warned about that as well. You really have to wonder what the point of being warned about the future is if you aren’t going to do anything about it. 

If you gave this guy a time machine and sent him to Dallas in 1963 he’d set up a lawn chair in Dealey Plaza and wait until November 23rd to tell everyone he knew Kennedy would get shot.

So sadly it appears our futures involve us all getting flash fried if this guy that got abducted by aliens back in 1973 is being honest. At least if it happens we won’t have to deal with hearing him say “Told you so.”

Mandatory credit: Philip Mantle/TNG