76ers fan buys full-page ad to bully Ben Simmons in Delco playbill

As the headline and featured image suggest, someone spent $50 on a full-page Ben Simmons attack ad. While I’m glad to see the citizenry getting into the spirit of an election year so early, this smear campaign ran solely in the playbill for the St. Francis Players’ performance of Willy Wonka. An odd choice, but a choice nonetheless, and we have to respect a person of principle.

The ad, written from the perspective of the much-maligned Australian, showed love to the SFA Players while hitting every major joke ever made about him in a playful but somewhat lazy fashion.

Here’s a tweet showing the Simmons x St. Francis crossover:

Someone paid 50 American dollars to take out this full page ad in the @stfrancisplayer Willy Wonka program, and I salute that person. pic.twitter.com/5kHkcsDbEz

— Jason Fanelli (@BigManFanelli) April 26, 2022

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I said we have to respect the choice to do it, which we do, but we can all admit the execution left a lot to be desired. Is it funny? Sure. Is it by any means well done? I’d be lying if I answered yes.

But also, what I think doesn’t matter. This person spent the dollar equivalent of 10 gallons of gas (thanks, Putin) on an entire page in a playbill, and goddammit, they can put whatever they want on there. If it’s some shoehorned jokes roasting the most pathetic athlete in human history, then so be it. I’ll go fuck myself, and rightfully so.

Plus, the more I think about it, the funnier it gets. Simmons is a born spectator. He loves witnessing greatness from the crowd, whether from Robert Williams in the playoffs or the St. Francis Players onstage.

At any rate, I wish the author of the ad the best. Hopefully, I’ve done my part to help make the advertising worth an entire 50 bucks. Maybe Simmons will even see it. If the money goes to the children, perhaps it was worth it all along.

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