America is Back: FIFA is bringing the World Cup to the city Philadelphia, while other weak, fraudulent cities in the US were rightfully passed over
America is back. Freedom is back. Philadelphia is back. The FIFA World Cup announced the 16 host cities yesterday for when soccer’s world showcase returns to North America in 2026, spread out across Canada, the United States, and Mexico.
After years of lobbying to bring the World Cup to Philadelphia, the city of Brotherly Love finally got the green light. Atlanta, Houston, Miami, Seattle and Kansas City, Missouri, joined Philadelphia as newcomers to the 11 cities in the United States for the 2026 host cities.
The plan envisions 60 games in the United States, including all from the quarterfinals on, with 10 games each in Mexico and Canada. Specific sites for each round will be named at a later date.
Following the announcement, people on social media were crying like a bunch of babies because their city wasn’t selected to host the biggest event in the world while a “dump” like Philadelphia was chosen, which I found to be absolutely hilarious given the fact that the people crying were from Baltimore and Washington D.C.
In September, a delegation (delegations are awesome btw) from FIFA and US Soccer visited the City of Brotherly Love, including Lincoln Financial Field and ultimately chose Philadelphia as a host city.
Philadelphia was an obvious choice. It’s the birthplace of America and a few other things that us Yanks like to call independence, freedom, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. It’s the city that founded this damn country by signing a few pieces of parchment that included the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution, while good old Betsy Ross was sewing together our nations flag down in Olde City.
Spare me the tears if you’re from a city like Baltimore or a fake city like Washington D.C. because you are so wrong and dumb for even thinking that you’re worthy of such a great honor.
Could you imagine the look of the delegation when they got to FedEx Field? That place is an absolute dump and should come as no surprise that they quickly passed over any location in that area, including Baltimore, which should go without saying is a total shit hole.
The FIFA delegation went all over the United States it’s safe to say officially certified the views of how the rest of the world views the worth of cities in America. If they were to release an official ranking of the 2026 host cities, it would probably look something like this:
Projected Host City Rankings from the FIFA World Cup Delegation
- Philadelphia (The Mecca of America)
- New York / New Jersey
- Kansas City
- San Francisco Bay Area
- Los Angeles
If you weren’t chosen then unfortunately, the world and other cities that were selected now look down upon you. Philadelphia is the clear cut number one in the projected rankings with direct ties to a bunch of other host cities, followed by Boston, who deserves a little credit for being red, white, and blue blooded patriots as America fought for our freedom back in 1776.
I know is New York / New Jersey third in the projected official city rankings but we shouldn’t forget the fact that while Boston and Philadelphia were fighting for our independence during the Revolutionary War, New York was still under British rule because they were too soft to stand up for themselves.
People from NY and NJ are forever in debt to cities like Philly and Boston and honestly, it doesn’t get talked about enough. Also worth noting that New York was only listed because no one cares about New Jersey, even though games will be played there rather than actually in the state of New York.
In the middle of the pack, you have cities like Atlanta, Kansas City, Miami, Houston, Dallas and Seattle. Kansas City represents America’s heartland and since Andy Reid is Philadelphia’s delegation to middle America, it makes sense they got a nod. Miami has a strong soccer contingent and is filled with transplants from the Philadelphia area so that was clearly a no-brainer as well.
Atlanta is a solid representation for the South as a host city. I don’t really have much to say about them besides the fact Augusta is in the area and the University of Georgia is an elite college football program.
As for the Texas cities, Houston is so close to Mexico it makes sense from a logistical standpoint and Dallas was chosen because if they were left off the list, they would have made such a fuss about it and no one wants to listen to those dorks complain any more than we already have to with their miserable Cowboys team.
From there, it’s really a toss up besides the last three host cities listed. California and the city of Seattle are total dumpster fires these days but you had to know they were going to squeeze in a few spots on the western front as host cities and those locations were really the only options available. These three locations now have four years to get their acts together before we welcome the rest of the world to America, so we’ll be keeping close tabs on them as they prepare for 2026.
At the end of the day, these are the best cities that represent America. FIFA decided that with their delegation and everyone needs to accept it. If you are from a city that’s not listed above, it may be time to consider moving. You are so irrelevant and weak and now the entire world is laughing at you.
As for the city of Philadelphia, get ready for the biggest party that planet earth has to offer. America and Philadelphia are back and in 2026, we’ll be welcoming the the world to the city of Brotherly Love.