The Philadelphia Phillies returned to Minute Maid Park in Houston last night for the first of three against the Astros and walked away with a 3-1 victory thanks to a Schwarbomb and a vintage Aaron Nola performance on the mound. 

You can check out our full game recap here and dive deeper into the robbery Nick Castellanos pulled in right field last night here.

During the game, the Houston Astros thought I would be funny to throw up the graphic above (and below) so fans could vote on who they would want to have as a wingman. 

If you could get past the already cringeworthy question, the two options to choose from was Mattress Mack and Rocky Balboa. Being in Houston, the votes to have Mattress Mack as their wingman were overwhelming, obviously. 

Houston Astros / Minute Maid Park: Wingman Poll between Mattress Mack and Rocky

I don’t even know where to begin so hang with me as I attempt to dissect this pathetic attempt of trolling by the Houston Astros organization. 

The funniest part about it, which I think all Astros fail to realize, is the fact that Mattress Mack has become a Houston Astros mascot.

This fanbase really thinks rallying around a 72-year old mattress salesman that gambles a lot of money is cool?

Is that what they are really going with in Houston?

On top of that, they have this graphic of 72-year old Mattress Mack wearing multiple gold chains with a bandana wrapped around his head and with the tie around the front? 

Is this what they think is “cool” or “funny”?

Genuinely confusing that the Astros love Mattress Mack, a billionaire degenerate gambler who at the end of the day, probably doesn’t give a shit about any fans in attendance to begin with. 

It’s also hilarious that people outside of Philadelphia think Rocky is still this huge thing and an icon that everyone looks up to in the city. I completely understand that Rocky does hold some weight around the city but those movies haven’t been popular for decades.

The first Rocky movie came out in 1979.

We literally do not care if he’s mocked and the only time we do acknowledge the dumb statue outside of the Art Museum is when an opposing fan base does something to it or attempts to organize a “takeover” on the Art Museum steps. 

Note: It’s not because we give a shit, but because it’s funny that people think we give a shit. 

Then, the most obvious, is the fact that everyone would want to hang out with a 72-old mattress salesman instead of a World Champion boxer to begin with. Mattress Mack isn’t a good wingman. It’s completely ridiculous to even think he would be. If we wanted to play along with the poll, judging by the photo, you’re talking about prime Rocky. 

If you voted for Mattress Mack it’s no wonder you’re single and need a wingman to begin with. Clearly, you have zero game and struggle being out in public, let alone talking to girls. 

Anyways, Aaron Nola pitched a gem last night. The Phillies are now a game above .500 for the first time all season and we have the Astros at Minute Maid Park again tonight at 5:10PM. 

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