According to reports, scientists from the University of Florida believe that sharks off the coast of Florida are feasting on pounds of cocaine that were dumped into the ocean by failed drug smugglers trying to reach the United States coastline. 

According to the New York Post, these scientists are now attempting to find out if the theory of Cocaine Sharks is true. 

Cocaine Sharks to be studied off the coast of Florida

New York Post — Sharks lurking off of Florida’s coast may be eating bundles of cocaine dumped in the ocean by US-bound drug smugglers — and scientists want to find out.

With the massive amounts of drugs washing up on beaches and being pulled out of the ocean by authorities each year, marine biologist Tom Hird wanted to investigate whether or not sharks had ingested cocaine as part of a new TV series “Cocaine Sharks” — which will premiere during Discovery Channel’s beloved “Shark Week” next week.

In the program, Hird and University of Florida environmental scientist Tracy Fanara conduct a number of experiments on sharks off the Florida Keys, where fishermen have reportedly told tales about drug-addicted fish.

Hird and Fantana dove underwater and noticed some sharks acting strangely in the episode.

A hammerhead shark, a species that typically shies away from humans, darted right at them and appeared to be swimming askew.

At 60 feet below the surface, a sandbar shark was seen swimming in tight circles, appearing fixated on an object that was not there, according to the show.

Listen, I am completely aware that saying sharks “may be” feasting on bundles of cocaine dumped in the ocean by drug smugglers is hardly a “sure thing” but just the thought of it is enough to peak my interest. 

It could also just be another scam by a group of scientists who want to feed sharks cocaine (aka get a bunch of free coke and give “some” to the sharks) but regardless, I can’t know that hustle.

I mean seriously, according to the New York Post, the University of Florida is going to investigate Cocaine Sharks based off “tales from fisherman about drug-addicted sharks off the Florida Keys”. 

Think about actually being a scientist and working for the University of Florida and presenting this case study based off a bunch of fisherman tales of drug-addicted sharks. That’s pretty crazy, right? 

Crazy for sure, but honestly, pretty genius. If I had the opportunity to test the side effects of mushrooms on the raccoon that lives in the dumpster behind my apartment building, consider me a scientist. 

Send me BUNDLES of shrooms and I’ll be happy to trip my dick off with a raccoon on a nice summer night. Call me a scientist if you want, I’ll toss on a lab coat with a name tag that says “Dr. Smith” and report back with some answers. No problem. 

How actual scientific institutions get these types of studies approved is insane but if you peel back the curtain and realize that it’s actually happening under the guerrilla marketing guise of Discovery’s “Shark Week” then it all starts to make perfect sense. 

I mean look at the success of Cocaine Bear. The movie was a viral sensation.

These scientists just want to rail lines and laugh at everyone while they watch episodes of Shark Week. 

Please don’t let me confuse you. That sounds like what I did every year at college while watching Shark Week so I’m not criticizing whatsoever. The only difference is that I was buying the cocaine instead of getting it for free to use for “science” while the Discovery Channel lined my pockets. 

Anyways, the ocean is a wild. You are already dealing with a bunch of crazy sea creatures and just the thought of sharks now getting zooted off pounds of cocaine certainly doesn’t help ease any anxiety when hitting the beach this summer. 

Maybe just stick to the pool. 

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