Eagles ranked outside Top 5 best teams in NFL by ESPN Analytics

These goddamn nerds just don’t know when to stop. After disrespecting the Eagles by predicting a four-game losing streak, ESPN Analytics ranked the team behind teams like the Cowboys and Dolphins (both teams they’ve beaten) in their Top 10 best teams so far this season.

The Eagles came in at 7th overall in their FPI Rankings, which are clearly, and I cannot stress this enough, total bullshit:

The Chiefs are the top team in the NFL right now, according to ESPN Analytics 👀 pic.twitter.com/2Im7ByoXuK

— ESPN (@espn) November 7, 2023

I’m not a violent man, but it’s time to start punching nerds. This has gotten out of hand. If you’re going based on glorified fantasy football projections, I can see how you’d end up with this list.

Actually, I don’t at all. Jalen Hurts is a dynamite fantasy QB. I have the wins to prove it.

Be serious for a second. Look at the teams ahead of the Eagles here. The Miami Dolphins can’t beat a team with a winning record, the Dallas Cowboys play with the football IQ of Pop Warner kids, and Josh Allen has forgotten how to play quarterback against a decent record.

You pair that with the 49ers falling apart at the seams and Patrick Mahomes throwing to practice squad guys, and you start to wonder why anyone at ESPN Analytics has a job. I will say the Ravens are HOT right now, so I can’t argue with their inclusion, but putting them above the Eagles is malpractice at best.

I know society has become more progressive, but statsexuals are a genuine danger to our society. Statistics should be banned in public schools, and if I had a son, I’d pull him out the second he sees a spreadsheet and show him Mike Alstott highlights instead of math class.

It’d be the right thing to do.

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