Phillies fan brings model boat to Citizens Bank Park, ensures 6-1 victory over Giants

The Phillies absolutely boat-raced the San Francisco Giants today, comfortably winning by a score of 6-1. But that story was secondary to one Phillies fan who came to the game with an incredibly unusual accessory.

Phillies fan Mike turned heads by attending the game with a model boat, and a sweet one at that:

Ok, probably going to run out of air time for this so:
-this is Mike, he just retired
-Mike likes sailing boats in his free time
-Mike is here w/ his former coworkers who surprised him with the model boat
-they were all just as shocked as us that they could bring in a model boat https://t.co/XedghrkiCo

— Taryn Hatcher (@TarynNBCS) May 6, 2024

When I first saw this, I thought I’d missed the memo on the Phillies’ new “Model Boat Night” and was a little pissed off I didn’t take off work to go. But I was soon straightened out by boots-on-the-ground journalist Taryn Hatcher, who did the necessary reporting you see above to inform the citizenry.

And to that, I say, hell yeah, brother. That’s what I’m talking about.

What’s better than a bunch of buddies going down to the Phillies game to celebrate one of them retiring, you ask? Doing exactly that but adding a model boat into the mix. That has to kick it up at least seven or eight notches, minimum.

I know he and his friends were surprised that they could bring the boat into the stadium, as was pretty much everybody else. But when you’re allowed to bring in an emotional support alligator, I guess a sick miniature sailboat is fair game.

Honestly, though, I feel a bit jilted by this. I enjoy drinking 40s in my free time, but when my friends surprise me with one at a Phillies game, CBP staff say that I “can’t bring that in” and that I “need an ambulance.”*

Whatever, bro. I’m glad at least good men like Mike can enjoy the full extent of American freedom.

Here’s to a happy retirement on the high seas, Mike.

*for legal reasons, this is a joke

Gear up in the TLL Shop