Lansdale unveils ridiculous squiggly lines as a “safety measure” to curb speeding

A township in Montgomery County has introduced squiggly lines to the oft-traveled Grays Lane in an attempt to prevent speeding. If you think it sounds ridiculous, that’s because it is.

Lansdale planners took two whole years to come up with and implement this absurd idea:

This might work on some poor 15-year-old who just got their learner’s permit, but any actual person not paralyzed by the fear of getting in trouble with their parents is going to entirely disregard this nonsense.

Don’t believe me? Just look at the red Toyota in the first few seconds of the video. It just drove straight down the road, you know, like cars have since they were invented.

Rock star level stuff, Lansdale.

There’s no chance this goes well. There are a few different ways folks will approach this, and they are as follows.

1. Drivers will continue to speed straight because they’re free-thinking Americans
2. Drivers will pretend they’re F1 racers and try to go as fast as possible while hugging the corner, like so
3. Drivers will follow the lines but go on their phones and head directly into oncoming traffic
4. Drunk drivers will see the road straight for once, making it easier and encouraging them to do it more frequently

So, pretty much, these squiggly lines have made the road infinitely more dangerous.

Let me set the scene for you. You’re fresh off an 18-hole round at Pine Crest Country Club in Lansdale. Drinks were flowing, mushrooms were munched upon, and your buddy rolled the fattest whale bone joint you’ve seen since college. What a day.

You get behind the wheel, make your way to Grays Lane, and gaze upon what is essentially an Arnold’s Go Karts track writ large. Normal drivers might be apprehensive, but this is how roads look all the time when you’re balls deep in the Shadow Realm. Undeterred, you set out to conquer this new challenge you’ve been preparing for your whole life.

In my opinion, this is just the government trying to put citizens through a maze like rats. We’re not some rodents in a lab experiment, we’re human beings. The boot of authority can only hold us down for so long.

No matter how you slice it, Lansdale is in for a treat when this fails spectacularly.

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