Hoagie Horror Story: Stone Harbor man gives iconic drunken statement to police after arrest

Ryan Conway
June 11, 2025
Philly
0 Comments

A man was arrested in Stone Harbor after waking up in someone else’s house after a night of serious drinking. The police found his shoes and an uneaten Wawa hoagie in a nearby vehicle that showed signs of breaking and entering.

The man knew he made a mistake and told Stone Harbor PD the hoagie could have easily saved him –“That was my downfall. I didn’t eat the hoagie”:

A police report down the shore

h/t chron_1229, IG pic.twitter.com/YOfRhWXvAt
— Barstool Philly (@BarstoolPhilly) June 11, 2025

“That was my downfall. I didn’t eat the hoagie.”

I think I’ve said this word for word the morning after a night of drinking. Granted, I was usually saying it to friends after a night getting out of hand, not to a shore town police department after waking up in a strange house and breaking into their car.

I think it’s pretty clear this guy didn’t do anything horribly wrong. Sure, he probably gave the folks inside the house a good fright and caused some property damage.

He even said so himself while in the car with officers: “I hope everyone can realize what happened and that I am not some burglar mischief person that I, I was intoxicated and went into the wrong house.”

I am personally of the belief that this guy is definitely not a “burglar mischief person” up to no good. I think he just got shitfaced and went into the wrong house. He’ll pay his debt to society and Stone Harbor one way or another.

Truly, though, this all could have been avoided if he just at the damn hoagie. You can’t build a house without a solid foundation. The house, of course, is comprised of a great deal of alcoholic beverages while the foundation is a delicious hoagie. Just in case you didn’t catch my drift.

His statement is obviously the star of this blog, but I want to highlight the drugs and alcohol questionnaire Stone Harbor PD gave him. It asks if he takes drugs or drinks alcohol, how often he does either, and, importantly, when was the last time he was drunk. To which, of course, he simply answered, “Now.”